Ielts task 2 cam 13 test 2

Question

Topic: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

My essay:

Humans nowadays have too many options in their life because of the development of the world. Although not everybody is able to make many choices, I believe people are still having plenty of options now comparing to the past.

On the one hand, the creativity of humans is one of the reasons why people have so many choices. People manipulate their creativity to invent new things, which is contributed to generating options in life. As an illustration, with the inventions of modern means of transportation such as cars, trains, planes, people can choose various ways to travel. Nevertheless, in the past people were just able to travel on foot or by bike due to the lack of new inventions. As a result, the more creative of people in making new things the more choices can be generated.

Some people, on the other hand, are not able to have many options in their life due to financial problems. For instance, instead of traveling by expensive transportations such as planes, many people who are poor have to find other ways to travel. The number of options for them, therefore, will reduce because of their lack of money. In consequence, not everybody especially who is underprivileged and poor will be capable of having many choices in their life.

In conclusion, humans will continue to have many options which can be generated by themselves even though some people are not able to make many choices in their life due to the poverty and unfortunate.

Answer 1

bạn ít sử dụng synonyms và lặp đi lặp lại nhiều lần 1 từ trong bài ví dụ: creative bạn có thể thay bằng invention, invention có thể thay bằng inovation,

Trong đoạn 2 bắt đầu bằng '" some people, on the other hand...'' bạn chưa giải thích được câu topic sentence

Nên sửu dụng nhiều modal verbs nhưu can, could, will, would, may and might tránh tuyệt hóa vấn đề.
Nên dùng nhiều cấu trúc ngữu pháp để tăng grammartical range: chủ ngữ giả, câu bị động, câu điều kiện, cau đảo ngữ

lexical resources của bạn còn hạn chế và sử dụng nhiều từ informal như things, everybody

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