Pay attention to wording. Take some sentences for example:
"Possessing a house instead of taking one on a lease is emerging the preference for property ownership."
"Emerge" is an intransitive verb, and there is no need for an object following. Consider rethinking the sentence.
"This essay will attempt to dissect the root and the ramifications of this mentality."
We use the word "ramifications" to refer to all possible results of any physical interactions, such as taking action and making decisions. Meanwhile, "mentality" is referring to an attitude or a way of thinking towards something and thus does not have any ramifications. Your thinking about a group of people, for example, has no effect on them. In fact, it is what you are doing towards them that somewhat affects them. Again, you have to rethink another word that fits well.
In addition, there are wordy sentences. Take some for example:
"To begin with, there are several elements that cause the aforementioned belief."
Without the "aforementioned", the meaning remains unchanged. Consider leaving it out.
"In conclusion, based on the reasons mentioned above, it seems that people should invest their money in a property if they can afford it rather than waste it on rent."
Without the part "based on the reasons mentioned above", the intended meaning stays unchanged.
The worst can be seen at:
"In this case, the motivation that propels buying a home is that in their perspective, the home is one of the most essential parts in solidifying family sentiment, a reunion area for family members and bringing harmonious relations, since these strata have to spend more time at work than staying side by side with their folks."
This sentence takes many lines of words, and there must be a reason to paraphrase the sentence.
Last, there are many errors in articles, some of which are:
"If people are fond of livestock farm -> farms and cultivation, a back garden or small courtyard can suit themselves."
"Not only work pressure, which is achieving the goal-settings – upward mobility, but also financial burden -> burdens would be put on their shoulders."
Remember that countable nouns must have a determiner or must be in plural forms.
"However, whether owning a house is a positive or negative situation is quite subjective, depending on the circumstances of the -> a person." ( who is the person you were referring to )
"Meanwhile, for the middle-class or high-income families, their house is an asset, and owning a house is a positive situation for them." ( use "the" when the reader know what are you talking about )
In short, it takes much effort and time to go through your essay as some sentences and expressions seem wordy and heavy.