Children should be encouraged to use the computer from an early age.

Question

Nowadays, many parents are encouraging their children to use the computer from an early age. However, I disagree with the idea that children should be allowed to use them too soon for some reasons. Firstly, if children use the computer too much, their health will be damaged. The light from the screen of the computer is harmful to children's eyes and they will catch some diseases such as myopia, obesity, digestive disorders,...Besides, children can access the websites which have insecure information. Nowadays, cybercrimes are very dangerous and their personal information can be stolen. Moreover, children can be addicted if they use the computer too much. This will be harmful to their health, their study and their relations. In conclusion, computer is the greatest invention of human but it still has some drawbacks that I think children should not be allowed to use them too much.

Answer 1

    Nowadays, many parents are encouraging their children to use the computer from an early age. However, I disagree with the idea that children should be allowed to use them too soon for some reasons. Firstly, if children use the computer too much, their health will be damaged. The light from the screen of the computer is harmful to children's eyes and they will catch some diseases such as myopia, obesity, digestive disorders,...Besides, children can access the websites which have insecure information. Nowadays, cybercrimes are very dangerous and their personal information can be stolen. Moreover, children can be addicted if they use the computer too much. This will be harmful to their health, their study and their relations. In conclusion, computer is the greatest invention of human but it still has some drawbacks that I think children should not be allowed to use them too much.

Bài làm của bạn khá ổn, nếu học chương trình cơ bản thì viết ntn là okie, còn nếu bạn học chương trình IELTS thì nói mình sửa kĩ cho!!!

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn, mình cũng đang bắt đầu luyện IELTS nhưng mà phần writing mình còn khá lúng túng í, tại còn chưa biết nhiều thứ, bạn có thể sửa cho mình được không?? :>

Answer 2

1. Bạn vẫn chưa develop ý secure information, nói nó ảnh hưởng gì đến chúng ta.

2 Dùng synonyms thay use theo kiểu lạm dùng : abuse/ waste their time on ...

3 has some drawbacks that I think children should not be allowed to use them too much.-> that i think can affect negatively children's mindset and their behaviours. Tránh lập ý, 

4 thêm ý nó sẽ reduce children's creativity, and làm mất khả năng to critical thinking and logical thinking

NHỚ VOTE MÌNH NHA, THANKS