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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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In the old society and our world as well, some parental duties stay the same. In every age, the position of mother and father is to bring up their children, give them the love of parents and shape their personality. Over a child’s life, there are always parents beside him to provide him with the moral lessons so that he can develop in all aspect. But despite the alike task of parents in every era, there’re also the changes in their roles in each society.

To begin with, in the past, parents played an important role in raising a child. However, with the development of science and technology, the emphasis of parents’roles is not as it used to be. In modern life, parents choose the way of shaping children’s self-reliance and allow them to determine their ways and their goals by themselves, of course, with parents’ help and advices. However, the preconception of society is getting more and more strict to a child in modern life. Therefore, parents’roles nowadays are just to provide their children with necessary skills so that they will grow up by themselves. Unlike in the past, parents expected their kids’ interest to be similar to their own.

Secondly, there is now a big difference in the roles of parents compared to the past. In the past, fathers played a significant role in society as the breadwinner, who works to provide the money that family needs to live on. But the traditional role of men has slowly changed. Many wives in our modern society either work full-time and share the financial burden with their husbands or become breadwinning mothers in the family. Society is changing with women going to college and having jobs. It may even happen in several years’ time when women are given sole earning responsibility in society as the main breadwinner of the family. This ís due in part to women gained working privileges equal to men in the 1970s. Therefore, it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue a career. It has also become socially acceptable for men to stay at home and take care of their children. Million of families are also raising their children with mom and dad sharing all of the responsibilities. Today’s role of fathers in society is more of a shared role, with a more undefined role.

In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result of wider changes in society, and I believe that these developments are desirable.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Other bởi (0 điểm)
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Bn chữa theo mình nè:

In the old society and our world as well, some parental duties stay the same. In every age, the position of mother and father is to bring up their children, give them the love of parents and shape their personality. Over a child’s life, there are always parents beside him to provide him with the moral lessons so that he can develop in all aspects. But despite the alike task of parents in every era, there’re also the changes in their roles in each society.

To begin with, in the past, parents played an important role in raising a child. However, with the development of science and technology, the emphasis of parents’roles is not as it used to be. In modern life, parents choose the way of shaping children’s self-reliance and allow them to determine their ways and their goals by themselves, of course, with parents’ help and pieces of advice. However, the preconception of society is getting more and more strict to a child in modern life. Therefore, parents’roles nowadays are just to provide their children with the necessary skills so that they will grow up by themselves. Unlike in the past, parents expected their kids’ interest to be similar to their own.

Secondly, there is now a big difference in the roles of parents compared to the past. In the past, fathers played a significant role in society as the breadwinner, who works to provide the money that family needs to live on. But the traditional role of men has slowly changed. Many wives in our modern society either work full-time and share the financial burden with their husbands or become breadwinning mothers in the family. Society is changing with women going to college and having jobs. It may even happen in several years when women are given sole earning responsibility in society as the main breadwinner of the family. This ís due in part to women gained working privileges equal to men in the 1970s. Therefore, it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue a career. It has also become socially acceptable for men to stay at home and take care of their children. Millions of families are also raising their children with mom and dad sharing all of the responsibilities. Today’s role of fathers in society is more of a shared role, with a more undefined role.

In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result of wider changes in society, and I believe that these developments are desirable.

Band:7.0 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (162 điểm)
được bầu chọn là bài viết hay nhất bởi
Úi mình cảm ơn bạn nhé!

Bài này không được band 7.0 đâu, vì còn sai khá nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng mà bên trên không nhận ra. Mình là người đã từng viết essays được 9.0. 

 

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dạ vâng ạ. Mình cảm ơn nhiều ạ!

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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