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Đề: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In these days, there has been an increase proportion in the people living abroad, which leads to a load of serious social issues, as well as pragmatic ones. I contend that although that country has to face with such problems, practical issues can curb due to the sustainable development of technology.

Language barrier tends to be the first disrupt for immigrants having to speak a foreign language. For example, there has been advocates of immigrants to America to find a better job nowadays, some of whom try to learn English. However, they have a difficulty in absorbing the new language, which becomes obtacles to their integrating with the community. That results in their misunderstand to their colleague. Not only can they even be left out from that job, but they can also lose many opportunies to apply for other jobs, which is likely to make them become unemployed. These reasons all together probably turn them to crime who causes an array of problems to the society.

Nevertheless, the problems obove can be remedied thanks to the development of mobile phone. Peope can do everything through that tremendous invention. It can be seen that immigrants can easily make friends from social media. Whenever they they want to have a conversation with a foreigner, they can look for a virtual one and use translation app to communicate. Futhermore, they are also likely to go shopping, take up a new language or even have a great job from the phone, which can both solve the unemployment and language barrier problems.

In conclusion, not withstanding all the demerits of  trend offers, I believe that these troubles, which are faced in just a short term, can be solved with the invention of the mobile phone.
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In these days, there has been an increase in proportion in of the people living abroad, which leads to a load of serious social issues, as well as pragmatic ones. I contend that although that country where [ people living in a country where speaking a foreign language is compulsoryhas to face with such problems , practical issues can curb due to the sustainable development of technology.

Bạn dùng that country nhưng ở câu trước chưa mention gì về country, và cái đây vấn đề của con người không phải vấn đề của country bạn nhé. Bạn viết như vậy là không đúng với đề.

Language barrier tends to be the first disrupt disruption for immigrants having to speak a foreign language [with poor language skill when living in a foreign country]. For example, there has been advocates plenty of immigrants to America to find a better job nowadays, some of whom try to learn English. However, they have a difficulty in absorbing the new language, which becomes obstacles to their integrating intergration with the community. That results in their misunderstand to their colleague. Therefore, not only can they even be left out from that job, but they can also lose many opportunies to apply for other jobs, which is likely to make them become unemployed. These reasons all together probably turn them to crime criminals who causes an array of problems to the society.

Nevertheless, the problems obove  above can be remedied thanks to the development of mobile phone. Peope can do everything through that tremendous invention. It can be seen that immigrants can easily make friends from through social media. Whenever they they want to have a conversation with a foreigner, they can look for a virtual one and use translation app to communicate.[This can enable them to improve their language skill gradually], Futhermore, they are also likely to go online shopping, take up a new language or even have a great job from the phone, which can both solve the unemployment and language barrier problems.

Body 1 ý khá tốt, có nguyên nhân, kết quả rõ ràng, cấu trúc câu đa dạng. Tuy nhiên body 2 nêu cách khắc phục còn khá sơ sài, không thuyết phục cho lắm. Bạn có vốn từ vưng nhiều, nhưng chú ý cách dùng cũng như chính tả bạn nhé. Ngoài ra thì bạn nên học cách lập luận ý của mình sao cho chặt chẽ, thuyết phục giám khảo hơn. Theo mình thì bài của bạn sẽ vào khoảng 5.5 - 6.0.

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