Bài Ielts writing task 2- women and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males and females from certain professions because of their gender?
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There is no shadow of doubt that each gender has their own good points and bad points. It is argued that there are some certain vocational fields in which men or women should be rejected. From my perspective, keeping out male or female workers from a job is completely reasonable in blue-collar jobs; however, in white-collar fields, men and women ought not to be eliminated due to their gender.
In term of manual jobs, employers should hire only men or women working in their companies. Selecting gender likely boosts productivity and effectiveness of work. These works require creating a  large number of products within a short time. Having strengths, therefore, helps each gender work effectively and quickly without making mistakes during working time period. For instance, in textile industry, companies exclusively opt for female workers due to their patience and cleverness; by contrast; builders and constructors are virtually male because with the strong constitution , they effortlessly work outside for long hours.
In view of non-manual occupations,  it is not appropriate to propose the thinking of getting separated between males and females. Firstly, both male and female white-collar workers have contributed the same level of intelligence and creativity in society. Thus, there are no limitations that men can execute , but women can not. Secondly, knowledge works offer more training and internship opportunities. Staffs, therefore, have more time to get involved in work and overcome obstacles about their weaknesses.
In conclusion, it is not completely true to release that we should eliminate men or women out of a certain career. In my opinion, in manual works, it is necessary to divide men or women in each work. Nevertheless, in brain work, both men and women should be selected to work in the same career.
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1. You wrote: ...g out male or female workers from a job is completely reasonable in blue-collar jo...

Feedback: Make sure that your verb is conjugated for your plural subject "workers from a job is". Revise: "are" or use the past tense "were"? (va44)

Error type: Verb agreement error

Suggestion: are, were

 

2. You wrote: ...o be eliminated due to their gender. In term of manual jobs, employers should hire o...

Feedback: Use a plural form in this fixed expression. "in terms of"

Error type: Plural error

Suggestion: in terms of

 

3. You wrote: ...s of work. These works require creating a large number of products within a short time. Having st...

Feedback: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"

Error type: Redundant Phrases

Suggestion: many, numerous

 

4. You wrote: ...ale because with the strong constitution , they effortlessly work outside for long...

Feedback: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma

Error type: Typography

Suggestion: ,

6. You wrote: ...ecessary to divide men or women in each work. Nevertheless, in brain work, both men ...

Feedback: You have a problem with your verb agreement. The pronoun "each" must be used with a third-person verb: "works". 

Error type: Verb agreement error

Suggestion: works

 

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