IELTS TAK2- DE 119

Question

 Some people think technology makes life complex, so we should make life simpler without using technology. Agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, it is believed that technological developments lead people to complexity life, so we should get rid of it. Personally, I disagree with this idea.

 

There are some reasons why people said that life with technology has been problematic and they would like to live without this innovation. First, technology has made people develop several diseases. For example, when you strain your eyes looking at computer and  the device screens, it can cause people to need glasses much earlier in the life and using the headphones can cause people to lose their hearing over time. Second, the technology causes a lack of privacy. Since, anyone can use virus and hacking to help them find the information they want to obtain. Therefore, people should simplify the influences of technology in our life. 

 

However, it is undeniable that human gain benefit from technological advances. First information technology is assisting human being a lot in communication. for instance, unlike in the past, nowadays people use the internet not only to keep in touch with their friends and family but also to get valuable information around the world. Second, technological developments also contributes to the development of healthcare system, which helps doctor detect and cure serious diseases.. As the result, patients' lives may be improved

 

In conclusion, on the whole, based on above discussion, I agree that the revolutionary of technology has both pros and cons. However, the demerits will be overshadowed by merits.

 

 ( Các anh chị sựa bài vui lòng ghi band điểm và sữa chi tiết vì em đang tự hoc ietls writing)

Answer 1

Grammar Correction

bỏ personally vì dư

thêm the/a trc computer

since không đi với phẩy

contribute không phải contributes

the healthcare system

thêm the  trước doctor

the result đổi thành a result

above thêm the đằng trước

Ý sắp xếp chưa mạch lạc

Cách dùng First Second nhiều và lủng củng

Answer 2

Chào bạn, mình đã đọc bài của bạn và sau đây là những ý kiến của mình.

1. Thông thường thì bài essay để mở đầu mỗi đoạn văn thì nên dùng: "Firstly" or "First of all", "Secondly or "Next".

2. Bạn bảo rằng không đồng tình với ý kiến của đề bài trong khi đoạn than bài thứ nhất bạn lại nêu tác hại của công nghệ. Bạn nên đọc kĩ lại đề.

3. Đây là bài luận đồng tình hoặc không đồng tình nhưng đọc bài của giống như là bạn đang nếu ý kiến về cả 2 mặt lợi và hại.

Cảm ơn bạn. Mong nhận được phản hồi từ bạn.

Answer 3

Source:https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/Writing-Task-2_Technology-makes-life-complex.docx

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Nowadays, it is believed that technological developments lead people to complexity life[p1] , so we should get rid of it. Personally, I disagree with this idea.

There are some reasons why people said that life with technology has been problematic and they would like to live without this innovation. First, technology has made people develop several diseases[p2] . For example, when you strain your eyes looking at computer and the device screens, it can cause people to need glasses much earlier in the life[p3]  and using the headphones can cause people to lose their hearing over time. Second, the technology causes a lack of privacy. Since, anyone can use virus [p4] and hacking to help them find the information they want to obtain. Therefore, people should simplify the influences of technology in our life. 

However, it is undeniable that human gain benefit from technological advances. First information technology is assisting human being a lot in communication[p5] . for instance, unlike in the past, nowadays people use the internet the Internet not only to keep in touch with their friends and family but also to get valuable information around the world. Second, technological developments also contributes contribute to the development of healthcare system, which helps doctor detect and cure serious diseases. As the result As a result, patients' lives may be improved

In conclusion, on the whole, based on above discussion, I agree that the revolutionary of technology has both pros and cons. However, the demerits will be overshadowed by merits.[p6]

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 [p1]Vocabulary Error: “to complexity”/ “to life full of complexity”

 [p2]Vocabulary & Grammar Error: “technology has caused several diseases”

 [p3]Idea Suggestion: “optical diseases would be caused much earlier in the life”

 [p4]Grammar Error: “since + clause”

à “since anyone can use virus…”

Also, “since” is used to connect two phrases

à “cause the lack of privacy since anyone can use…”

 [p5]Grammar Error: “assist human in + Noun/V-ing”

Reference: “is assisting human in communication…”

 [p6]Task Achievement: You should either “agree” or “disagree”, not answer “which one is stronger”