Chào Syrenahope,
Mình là Tinh Nguyen xin được góp ý bài của bạn như sau:
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- Mình sẽ xem kỹ lại, nếu còn thiếu xót gì mình sẽ comment thêm.
Human now lives in the world where more and more problems are rising everyday. One of the greatest things we need to fight against is the overpopulation. Nowhere in the world can be immuned from this, even the poor, undeveloped and the industrialised, developing countries. However, we now may have some solutions for this.
The need for a huge number of people to work of poor nations can lead to the overpopulation (cái ý này mình không hiểu lắm), which certainly will bring up a reverse effect. If the number of people rises (rise in number of people is) out of control, the lack of food (food shortage) will be on their top list (one of top social problems). Eventually, food lacking (lacking food) will lead to famine and poverty. The goverments should take care of it as soon as possble, if not (unless), this will turn out to be a great problem that can affect every effort of them (their effort) to develop the countries. The economy and education, therefore, will not be focused much (paid sufficient attention) because people are now busy with looking for food. As a result, the poor is are still poor, the undeveloped (cách dùng này mình chưa gặp hk biết có đúng hay hk??) is still undeveloped.
Besides, when it comes to the developing countries, they musn (must) not be unaware either. The first thing is that overpopulation affects them greatly would be the strong economy ( could negatively impacts on countries' economy. The redundancy in the number of people and less jobs may make the unemployment rate grows (bạn nên xem lại sau make dùng loại từ nào nhé) even higher. In addition, a family with too much kids will make parents become too stressed to give each kid enough care, This willdefinitely causes the lack of parental love of some children nowadays. Rearing a child in wrong ways can also affect the society badly.
However, we now have some solutions for those problems. The governments must be the ones who are responsible for controlling the birth rate. Besidess (Besides), creating more jobs and raising funds for unemployed people are another ways (way) to improve the situation. Last but not least, education must (should) be focused mainly (mainly focused) on (bạn ơi ý này bạn dừng ở đây thì nó chưa có hoàn thiện, nên viết thêm để nó hoàn chỉnh bạn nhé) and put much effort to make everyone aware of the overpopulation’s bad effects.
In conclusion, the rising numbers in the population can bring such big threats to anywhere, any nations, any governments, etc. Thus, as soon as possible, human must find out more solutions and hold hands to kill (tackle) this problem.
Chúc bạn thành công!
Tinh Nguyen