Tập viết IELTS Task 2 . Some people believe that school children should not given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. [closed]

Question

It is argued that teachers should not give homework to school children while others believe that it is important to education of children to do their homework. On the one hand, it isn't essential for children to do their homework . First, many parents think that children should spend their time studying different good skills such as guitar, dance aerobic and so on. Those above can help their children develop themselves about spirit and physical than sit to do their homework everyday. In addition to, with children, who study many skills, will become more creative. My younger brother, for example, who is more and more clever and confident when he starts to study skills. On the other hand, homework is also very important to children.First, it helps student have responsibility for their homework. When teachers give children homework, they must complete them before starting to do something such as watch tv, play games.. Second, doing homework helps children understand the lesson easier and easier. In conclusion, although there would be a number of disadvantages from doing homework at home. Personally, I think that the advantage outweigh the negative mentioned above.

Answer 1

Bái viết của bạn về mặt ý tưởng khá ổn nhưng về ngữ pháp và colloaction lại có rất nhiều vấn đề. 

Ví dụ như dòng 2 education ->educate children

Dòng 3: on the one hand -> on the other hand

Dòng 5: good skill -> useful skill

Those above can help their children develop themselves about spirit and physical than sit to do their homework everyday: Câu này cấu trúc rất kì ):

Dòng 7: In addition to (thiếu một cụm danh từ ở sau)

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Dòng cuối: outweigh (thiếu s)