The disadvantages of living in the big city

Question

In my opinion, living in the city both have its own advantages and disadvantages but today i will only discuss about the disadvantages
First and foremost, although in the big city has a lot of job opportunities, there are also has people who be competing with you for your job.Today you might have a job but tomorrow you might be employed. By this i mean : you might be qualified for a job, but if your boss see another people who are want your position are more qualified than you. You might lose your job. Maybe they have more job experience than you or they have a higher degree than you.
Secondly, it is undeniable that the overcrowded are the realization for all big city. This leads into 2 problems : traffic jams and the cost of living. If there are a lot of people on the road in the same time and it make you can't move, it's called traffic jams. Especially in tthe rust hour, it is very difficult to get from a given place to another.  Next is the cost of living,the cost of living in the big city are very high. It may "cost you an arm and a leg" to pay for your living. People have to spend more money on foods, drinks, clothes and other activities like entertainment, traveling  while the salary hasn't been much improved
Finally is the pollution. Pollution is a sad reality for big city life. Unfortunately, pollution may always be a problem in the big city despite many solutions have been proposed. For example,  noise pollution can cause the bad effect to the activity and people's health. High noise levels can affect to human cardiovascular, rises in blood pressure and many things else.
In short,although living in the city has a lot of advantages,it also has it disadvantages so people have to struggle a lot if they want to live in the city

Answer 1

First, this essay makes numerous grammar mistakes (You can easily check it by the grammar detection function on this website)

Second, you overused simple words and repeated them frequently without paraphrasing

Third, your sentences are word-by-word translation and are not prevalent and academic enough in the writing section.

Hope you will be better in your next essay.

 

Answer 2

Bài viết của bạn có ý tưởng, tuy nhiên còn nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp với chưa paraphase, mình giúp bạn sửa  paraphase một vài từ nha. Chúc bạn học tốt.

In my opinion, living in the city both have its own advantages and disadvantages but today i will only discuss about the disadvantages 
First and foremost, although in the big city has a lot of job opportunities, there are also has people who be competing with you for your job. => harsh competition. Today you might have a job = occupation but tomorrow you might be employed. By this i mean : you might be qualified for a job, but if your boss see another people who are want your position are more qualified than you. You might lose your job. Maybe they have more job experience than you or they have a higher degree than you. 

=> ý tưởng: bạn có thể bổ sung thêm là mặc dù bạn phải làm việc với heavy workload, work day and night
Secondly, it is undeniable that the overcrowded => a densely populated city (thành phố rất đông dân) are the realization for all big city => metropolis ( with people from all walks of life/ millions of dwellers) . This leads into 2 problems : traffic jams => traffic congestion (tắc đường)/ transportation-related issue (những vấn đề liên quan đến giao thông) and the cost of living. If there are a lot of people => too much people (mang nghĩa tiêu cực, qua nhiều) on the road in the same time and it make you can't move, it's called traffic jams. => chỗ này nói thẳng The streets were jam-packed with people luôn, mô tả hơi dài mà dùng từ không hay giống như bạn không biết từ đó nên phải mô tả vậy. Especially in tthe rust hour => rush hours = peak hours (giờ cao điểm) , it is very difficult to get from a given place to another. => It's extremely difficult to travel during peak hours.

Next is the cost of living,the cost of living in the big city are very high => pricey (đắt đỏ). It may "cost you an arm and a leg" to pay for your living. People have to spend more money on foods, drinks, clothes and other activities like entertainment, traveling  while the salary hasn't been much improved => with the tight budget. 
Finally is the pollution. Pollution is a sad reality for big city life. Unfortunately, pollution may always be a problem in the big city despite many solutions have been proposed. For example,  noise pollution can cause the bad effect to the activity and people's health. High noise levels can affect to human cardiovascular, rises in blood pressure and many things else. 
In short,although living in the city has a lot of advantages,it also has it disadvantages so people have to struggle a lot if they want to live in the city