IELTS Task 2 tối 5/9 - TP HCM - studying and working

Question

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

The development of our society which brings some challenges for the successful career. Young people should go to work after school or they need to study at the university or college is the best path to succeed in the job. However, I believe that students should concentrate to study at school and continue to higher education, which is the best route to success.

On the one hand, I believe that younger people should study at the university or college when they want to find a good job. If people want to find a good position in some companies, they need to graduate from the university. For instance, some companies require their employees to have the university degree. Moreover, studying at the university and college brings more opportunities to find a better position than people just concentrate to go to work after school.

On the other hand, students can learn some soft skills from the others such as teamwork, presentation or communication with other people in the university environment, which are very useful for people go to work in the future. In contrast, young people do not enter the university or college, they often lack soft skills and they are very hard to find a good job when they want to change their job at other companies.

In conclusion, I believe that the best route is people should enter the university or college and this brings more benefits when people want to find a good job and a good salary in the best condition.

Answer 1

Việc để 2 ý lớn đều là '' on the other hand'' làm ngừoi đọc khá khó hiểu, lúc mình đọc thấy kiểu'' ủa sao vậy, 2 luận điểm lại đối lập nhau à?''

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã góp ý.

Answer 2

Theo mình nhớ thì yêu cầu của bài này là Diccuss both of views.

Với dạng bài kiểu này, theo Ngọc Bách thì bạn ko nên nêu quan điểm cá nhân:

"However, I believe that students should concentrate to study at school and continue to higher education, which is the best route to success." Do đó khi bạn dùng câu này thì mình cảm giác theo kiểu opinions rồi.

Với lại bạn lặp từ hơi bị nhiều: position, university, company.

Thế thôi ạ, "the" còn thiếu nhiều but viết hết thì dài quá còn còn lại thì theo mình ok r

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã góp ý mình sẽ để ý cấu trúc câu hơn.

Answer 3

ah..mk cũng có ý giống bạn bên dưới...đó là " disscuss both of views"

thì k nên nêu lên quan điểm của bản thân

bạn có thể ghi là (câu cuối phần mở bài): " both views will be much dicussed in this essay" xong ms ghi phần thân bài

đấy là theo ý mk thôi...bạn cố lên nhé