Nhờ anh chị sửa giúp em. Em cám ơn ạ.( Bài Ielts task 1, Khuya 11:45 ngày 5/7/2018 )

Question

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN.

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010. The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

(153 word)

Answer 1

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN. --> the bar chart compares the number of ... illustrates is ok, but compares is better

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010 (only male). The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has about 2200, in contrast [you can also use however instead of in contrast] with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate [at] 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

Comments

Thank you very so much

Answer 2

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in the fitness of the act from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN.

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010. The number of   the figure for  males increased steadily  fluctuate steadilybetween 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.

In 1985, the amount of members man has man member was about 2200, in contrast with while the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group groups grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female, about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next, the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members.

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups  both women and men increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles doubled the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

 

 

Comments

Thank you very so much

Answer 3

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male and female was highest in 2010.=>. only male

members man has about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members=>> there were about 2200 male members and only 1300 female ones

 the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.=>> both groups .. to 295- and 5000 people respectively. .. women outnumbered men by two to one ..

Comments

Thank you very so much

Answer 4

The bar graph illustrates the number of people take part in[W1]  the fitness of the act[W2]  from 1985 to 2015 in Thai LAN[W3] .

Overview, it is clear that the amount of male[W4]  and female was highest in 2010. The number of males increased steadily between 1985 and 2015, while the female decreased.[W5]

In 1985, the amount of members man[W6]  has[W7]  about 2200, in contrast with the women only was  1300 members. However, five years later, the both of the group grew steadily, the amount of male was double the female[W8] , about 3800 members and 1900 members, respectively. In the last ten years next[W9] , the number of men decreased gradually, in contrast the account of women rose considerable approximate 4000 members[W10] .

From 2005 to 2010, the both of the groups increased sharply in 2010 with 2950 and 5000 people, respectively. In 2015, the number of females doubles the male, approximate 2000 and 10000 inhabitants.

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 [W1]Expression error: It lack of relative clauses.

You mus add ‘who’ between people and take part in

 [W2]Expression error: It is too strange.

Refer: Fitness program

 [W3]Vocabulary error: Thailand

 [W4]Expression suggestion:  We have specific number on the graph,  therefor use number or figure

 [W5]Expression suggestion:

Overall, the figures of man and women fluctuated over the period of time. The membership number was highest in only 2010.

 [W6]Expression error: We have specific number on the graph,  therefor use number or figure

Refer: The figure/number of man

 [W7]Grammar error: we use simple past present, has => had

 [W8]Expression error: the amount => the figure; male and female => must add ‘S’

Refer: the number of males was approximately double female members

 [W9]Gramar error: In the last ten years next => you must review this error by yourself

 [W10]Expression suggestion:

Body 1: Decrible only man

1985 – 2000

2000 – 2015

Body 2 Describle only woman

1985 – 2000

2000 – 2015

You should attempt to rewrite on this topic, I would like to recorrect your easy again J

 

Comments

Thank you very so much

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Would you intend to rewrite on this topic :)))