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    Hello everyone! My name's Jenny. I'd would like to visit Japan. In Japan, it has lots of places to visit like Tokyo and in this place have lots of restaurants with lots of foods very delicious as the people can come to and eat. We can go to Japan to see some famous people. And we can go to the concert listen to the singer. In the future, I think I can visit  Japan

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  Hello everyone! My name's Jenny. I'd would like to visit Japan. In Japan, it has lots of places to visit like Tokyo and in this place have lots of restaurants with lots of foods very delicious as the people can come to and eat. We can go to Japan to see some famous people. And we can go to the concert listen to the singer. In the future, I think I can visit  Japan.

Mình nghĩ bạn nên viết lại thế này nha:

would like to visit to Japan. It has lots of places to visit in Japan like Tokyo. In this city, people can enjoy a lot of delicious food in the lovely and famous restaurants. Besides, we may see some famous people in this country, we also take part in a music concert to have more experiences. I wish I will visit Japan in the future.

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Mình nghĩ bạn nên viết dài hơn như thế này:
Hello everyone! My name's Jenny.Iwould like to visit to Japan It' located near where I live,so I'd would like to visit Japan. There are many reasons that I would like to visit Janpan . The first,in Japan, it has lots of places to visit like Tokyo and in this place have lots of restaurants with lots of foods very delicious as the people can come to and eat. The second,we can go to Japan to see some famous people. And we can go to the concert listen to the singer. In the future, I hope I can visit  Japan one time in my life.
Nếu hay thì cho mình xin 1 phiếu nha:))
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