Bài Ielts task 2- education [closed]

Question

Topic: Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on thier studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what do you agree or disagree.

It is true that whether or not higher education can provide students with qualities that can lead to success. while I accept that studying full-time at universities is useful, I believe students should also concentrate on extra-curriculums.

On the one hand, I agree that young people should pay all their attention on studying in academic institutions if they want to be sucessful. Because, higher-education curriculum is really heavy and complex, so students are forced to put their studying in top priority. If they want to accquire basic knowledge and enhance their understanding of the subject.If they do not have great efforts on learning, it seems to be really easy for them to fall behind with studies which could makes them fell studying is so unattractive and leads them to drop out of college. For example, students studying in Vietnam, especially freshman learners have to deal with a great an amount of assignments and exams so they are lack of time to attend real-life activities.

On the other hand, individuals cannot become successful with only academic knowledge. They need do broden their knowledge and skills in the real working environment. in spite of having a good grasp of theories throughout learning from universities, but in actual woking environment, if could be very different from what they had learned at schools. For example, many students gratuate with excellent results, but they cannot have a job due to lack of experience. Thus, if they want to get a satisfied job in the future, apart from studying at school, they also have to experience a job in parallel so as to improve their interpersonal skills.

In conclusion, focusing on the academic study is important for university students. However, at the same time, the importance of extra-curricular activities cannot be neglected. Thus, students should balance time for their studying and  work 

Answer 1

Hi bạn, bài viết bạn khá ổn, mình có một vài góp ý để bài bạn có thể hoàn thiện hơn.

1. Với số lượng từ lad 317 từ thì mình ngại là bạn sẽ không viết kịp khi vào phòng thi. 270 -290 là số từ được khuyến khích khi làm writing task 2.

2. Bạn vẫn còn một số lỗi không đáng mắc phải, chủ yếu là sai chính tả và giới từ:

If they do not have great efforts on learning, it seems to be really easy for them ( they seems to be really easy..) to fall behind with studies which could makes(make) them fell studying is so unattractive and leads them to drop out of college. For example, students studying in Vietnam, especially freshman learners( fresh learner hoặc freshman)  have to deal with a great an amount ( a great number ...) of assignments and exams so they are lack( they are lacking hoặc they lack..) of time to attend real-life activities.

 They need do broden(broaden) their knowledge and skills in the real working environment

 if (it) could be very different from what they had learned at schools

For example, many students gratuate( graduate) with excellent results, but they cannot have a job due to lack of experience

 if they want to get a satisfied (nên là satisfying) job in the future, apart from studying at school, they also (will) have to experience a job in parallel so as to improve their interpersonal skills.

NGOÀI RA BẠN CÓ THỂ THAM GIA CHỮA BÀI CHO CÁC BẠN KHÁC ĐỂ TÍCH ĐIỂM. KHI ĐẠT ĐỦ 10 ĐIỂM THÌ BÀI CỦA BẠN SẼ ĐƯỢC TEAM WRITING 7.5 CỦA CHỮA BÀI WRITING MIỄN PHÍ CHỮA BÀI CHO ĐÂY. BÀI ĐƯỢC CHỮA SẼ CHI TIẾT VÀ RÕ RÀNG HƠN NHÉ. CẢM ƠN BẠN ĐÃ ĐỌC BÌNH LUẬN CỦA MÌNH.