<HELP> Đề IELTS task 1

Question

The graph illustrates how the amounts of salary, the price of color TV and black and white TV of people in Japan changed between the years 1953 and 1983 at a 30-year interval.

 

Overall, it is clear that there were significant changes in the price of black and white TV and while we can see an upward trend in the average monthly salary, the amount of price of color TV seems to have leveled off.

 

Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that in 1953 price of black and white TV was sold at 110 thousand Yen, while the salary was much less (just 19 thousand Yen). Moreover, color TV was introduced to the market with a price of 100 thousand Yen in 1960.

 

During the next 20 years onwards, the price of color TV and black and white TV fell considerably to approximately 60 and 26 thousand Yen respectively. The amount of salary grew, but slightly less significantly to just below 32 thousand Yen. The amount of salary, on the other hand, showed an exponential growth. By 1983 it had soared to almost 68 thousand Yen, becoming the most popular item of the Japanese.  (199 words). 

 

Answer 1

Mình có mấy góp ý cho bài viết của bạn như thế này, bạn tham khảo nhé:

- Lặp từ the amount nhiều

- Paragraph 1 bạn nên miêu tả số liệu cho năm đầu và một năm giữa (tùy bạn chọn) kèm theo xu hướng và số liệu

- By + year: dùng thì hiện tại hoàn thành, câu cuối bạn dùng quá khứ hoàn thành

- 3 câu cuối bạn nên để hai câu thôi:

The amount of salary grew, but slightly less significantly to just below 32 thousand Yen. The amount of salary, on the other hand, showed an exponential growth => The figure for salary saw a slight increase from just under 20000 Yen to approximately 30000 Yen

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