IELTS Task 2 - Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes and solutions.

Question

It is an irrefutable fact that the past few years have witnessed the considerable decline in educational standards especially in the extent of literacy and numeracy. In this essay, I intend to discuss the causes and how to tackle this vital problem.

Chief among the causes of this problem is that many schools and principals desire to get the rewards from the Ministry of Education resulting in giving students extremely high achievements rather than their "real" scores. As a consequence, parents will indulge in the illusion about the result of their children and take the wrong method to cherish them. Another contributing factor is that a large number of subjects make students suffer from a huge amount of pressure. Hence, students could not obtain any knowledge and just deal with results by learning by heart but do not work out anything.

In order to resolve the problems, it is essential to raise parent's awareness of the consequences of "artificial" marks and detect the potentials of the children to lead them to the successful pathway. Moreover, strict regulations should be enacted to maintain a sense of balance to the education field, transform the negative perspective of almost people about the study.

To conclude, it is complicated to completely solve this obstacle in short term but it needs a lot of people's enthusiastic attitude to tackle it as fast as possible.

Answer 1

Your grammatical range and accuracy are really good, I think. Your responses to the question are clear and persuasive. Also, your competence in using transition words makes the essay coherent and cohesive. Especially, I highly appreciate your large lexical resource

However, I think where possible we should use a simple word rather than a complex one. Simpler words are easier to read and they let your readers focus on your idea. Such as 'witnessed' in line 1 (saw would be better), 'desire' in line 4 ( want or wish would be better), 'maintain' in line 13 ( keep up would be better), 'obtain' in line 9 (get would be better)

Line 5 : extremely. 'High' usually goes with 'tremendously', 'real' (you should check the Oxford collocation dictionary)

Line 11 : parent's => parents'

Line 14 : almost  => it doesn't seem to fit this context. You should use 'most'