Bài IELTS Task 2 sáng 07/01/2017 - BC Tp.HCM - Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Question

The idea that universities should use online course rather than teach students on campus remains a source of controversy. I think that both approaches have their own merits and should each play an integral role in education field.

On the one hand, studying on campus has a pivotal role to play. Firstly, it will create a highly competitive studying environment at school, seeing students often desire to win prizes. As a result, they will be encouraged to put their endeavor into studying to get high scores. Secondly, youngsters could be more sociable. For example, the richness of experience that they will gain from enjoying at school, enabling them to blend into classes and avoid social isolation.

On the other hand, the online course method must not be underestimated. The first reason is that it will relieve pressure on students. Young students do not know the academic result of others. This form of studying follows the holistic principle of learning, which is to access the world of knowledge, not just to gain scores. Another reason is that they will be able to access a range of knowledge on the Internet. Armed with broader perspective, it will be easier for them to gain a mutual understanding with people across the world.

In conclusion, while studying at school has its own benefits, i would argue that online course method is a positive development.

Answer 1

- Firstly, this essay seems to be too short and it is not long enough (less than 250 words)

- "the richness of experience that they will gain from enjoying at school," Vế này bạn thiếu một động từ chính, ý không rõ ràng. Nên là "taking part in syllabuses at schools"

-  "The first reason is that it will relieve pressure on students. Young students do not know the academic result of others." -> không có sự liên kết, tạo áp lực cho học sinh vì học không biết kết quả của người khác (cái này không rõ ràng lắm thì phải)

Mình không biết mình đã góp ý đúng chưa nhưng theo mình học thì bài nên có sự logic giữa các ý. Tuy nhiên bạn đã làm bài đúng cấu trúc của một bài opinion và từ vựng khá tốt ^^