Cambridge IELTS 11 - Test 1 - Task 1

Question

The pie charts compare the proportion of water used for various purposes in six regions of the world.

In general, it is evident that North American and European people use water primarily for industry while the rest of the world spends it for agriculture.

Looking at more details, Central Asia and Africa make the most of water for agriculture, with 88% and 84% respectively. However, these two regions see an opposite trend in using water for industry which only accounts for 5% (Central Asia) and 7% (Africa). On the other hand, a great amount of water mainly used for industry can be seen in North America and Europe, with 48% for the former and 53% for the latter.

Of all the six areas, South America is the only region that spends nearly a fifth of total water usage for domestication, followed by Europe (15%) and North America (13%). The minimum usage of water for domestication can be seen in South East Asia and Central, with both only accounts for 7% of total water usage.

Answer 1

The pie charts compare the proportion of water used for various purposes in six regions of the world.

In general, it is evident that North American and European people use water primarily for industry while the rest of the world spends it for agriculture.

Looking at more details, Central Asia and Africa make the most of the water for agriculture, with 88% and 84% respectively. However, these two regions see an opposite trend in using water for an industry which only accounts for 5% (Central Asia) and 7% (Africa). On the other hand, a great amount of water mainly used for the industry can be seen in North America and Europe, with 48% for the former and 53% for the latter.

Of all the six areas, South America is the only region that spends nearly a fifth of total water usage for domestication, followed by Europe (15%) and North America (13%). The minimum usage of water for domestication can be seen in South East Asia and Central, with both only accounts for 7% of total water usage.

Mình mới sửa lại cho bạn một số lỗi grammar còn vài câu chưa đạt yêu cầu bạn nên viết lại nhé. Nếu cần thì viết thêm cho hay hơn nhé vẫn ít lắm

Answer 2

 

The group of provided pie charts reveal the proportion of water used for specific demands in six regions over the world.

 

First of all, Agriculture is concerned to be the major consumption of water in four regions including: South America, Central Asia, SouthEast Asia with percentage exceed two thirds of the amount of water. Simultaneously, industry is claimed to be the aspect of  society which absorb the largest proportion of water in the rest of areas with merely half of water usage.

 

On the other hand, the territory which has the highest percentage of water served for agriculture is Central Asia with 88% whilst the lowest one belongs to Europe with 32%. Having the majority of water targeted for agricultural activities, Central Asia put industry at the section allowed to use least water.However, the conflicting phenomenon occur in Europe:with 53% water used for industry,Europe dominated in the proportion for water for industrial purpose.

 

Overall, most of the mentioned regions consume water for agriculture and the world witnessed contrary in proportion of Europe where have the highest percentage for industry and Central Asia where have the highest percentage for agriculture.

 

Answer 3

A. Assessment: 

1) Task Achievement: Overview sạch, có highlight được key features nhưng chưa đầy đủ (which regions use the most water in each purpose?)

2) Coherence and Cohesion: Paraphrase đủ và referencing cần đa dạng hơn
3) Lexical resource: Đủ vocab, nhưng thiếu less common words

4) Grammatical range & accuracy: Complex sentence đủ nhưng chưa hoàn thiện, có nhiều câu error free, và grammar thì ổn

B. Specification:
The pie charts compare the proportions of water used for various purposes in six regions of the world.
- Góp ý: Để mở bài dài hơn bạn có thể list ra các purposes hoặc là regions nó sẽ informative hơn

In general, it is evident that North American and European people use water primarily for industry while the rest of the world spends it for agriculture.
- Góp ý: Để passive voice thì dễ ăn điểm hơn

Mình sẽ để overview tham khảo để có thể làm phần overview của bạn hay hơn:

Overall, it can be seen that water is primarily applied for industry in North America and Europe while the rest spends it on agricultural purpose. Industrial application of water makes up a half of total usage in Europe whereas Central Asia and South America witness the maximum use of water on agriculture and in-house use respectively.

- Paraphrase:
areas = regions = parts of the world

see= observe= witness

spends= consumes= employs = uses

- Mistakes:

+) domestication là sự thuần hóa các giống loài hoang dã thành vật nuôi cậu nhé chứ không phải là paraphrase của domestic use (sử dụng cho mục đích sinh hoạt). Có thể dùng in-house hoặc là household, in-building