IELTS task 2 - download music and books from the internet for no charge

Question

These days, the explosion of modern technology has revolutionized all of our life, particularly in searching copyright material. Some people claim that this development is suitable for poor people, I absolutely believe that these activities like that should be rejected. There are two reasons about that.

First of all, it is undeniable that Internet has a huge amount of information which is belong to all the people, so for the sake of development of human, it should be free for download. Being highly appreciate to these ideas, however, this is a bad one. In fact, in case these are free for charge, means there is no profit for the author, which leads into losing all of passion or effort of artist or scientist. Little by little, there is no more invention or revolution. These works, in addition, are the evident for the author’s effort. Paying fee when using is the best way to say thank to the authors and to encourage them to create more helpful productions.

Secondly, as far as economics is concerned, it is undoubted that creating a complete work required a large amount of money, particularly for trial and error, also for ads. Consequently, requirement of money for each copy is inevitable and easy to understand. Moreover, allowing download for free can course a significant reduce in selling hardcopy of these work such as CDs or books, which lead to a severe decrease in profit.

To sum up, for variety of reasons, I believe that downloading materials for free should be no longer exist.

Answer 1

i just wanna give you some quick comments in respect with your essay.

first of all, belong to is a verb form, not adjective mode.

Second, i think your essay was unorganized effieciently because I couldn't find any main ideas in each paragraph. maybe you don't shape your words smartly and effectively, so you use these words randomly.