write about one of the parties you have ever attended

Question

I have ever attended many parties, but Lan's birthday party made me atractive best. What a memorable day !  All that day, we gather at her  house to cook special dishes, deserts, fast food and decorate house with Lan and her family. After being prepared thoroughly, the party began. In her living room, there are a birthday cake with seventeen colorful candles which is flickering and a rose flower vase on the table. Then Lan wished everything would be alright , success, heathy, happiness, and the next year she would pass the university exam. We gave her lovely gifts. She feels thankfully and happily .And we sang Happy birthday song together. We ate snacks , drank orange juice , apple juice, pepsi... etc.. After that we played chesses to find out who winner is . Luckily It's me ;))) the party lasted three hours. In the last one, I and some girls stayed to help Lan with cleaning house. When we came back home, she thanked us a lot. In short, it is the most wonderful party I have ever attended.

Answer 1

Hi, mình có một số ý kiến về bài viết của bạn như sau:

Về phần thì, vì đây là kể về buổi tiệc bạn đã từng tham gia, nên phần thì là quá khứ nha.

we gather at her  house to cook special dishes, deserts, fast food and decorate house with Lan and her family.. , chữ gather bạn nên chia ở quá khứ.

there are a birthday cake with seventeen colorful candles which is flickering and a rose flower vase on the table.

There are đổi thanh there was

Colorful candles which is flickering doi thanh colorful flickering candles vì ý sau của bạn rose.... là cụm, vì vậy bạn nên dùng cụm cho ý trước thì câu mới parallelism

Then Lan wished everything would be alright , success, heathy, happiness, ..

Cau nay ban su dung tinh tu va danh tu lộn xộn nha sử dụng lại cho đồng nhất.

Then Lan wished everything woulbe alright, successfule, healthy, happy...

Luckily It's me ;)))  bỏ biểu tượng ;))) này nha, và câu này bạn có thể đổi thanh I was the lucky one in the game. Nó sẽ giống văn viết hơn nha.

I and some girls stayed to help Lan with cleaning house. Trong câu nếu có chủ từ I thì thường nó sẽ đứng sau những chủ từ khác nha Some girls and I

it is the most wonderful party I have ever attended. cau nay cung vay ban nen doi thanh qua khu nha It was ...

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