Màu vàng là mỗi chính tả
Màu xanh là đúng chính tả nhưng bị lỗi diễn đạt. Cái này mình không sửa được. Bạn chịu khó nghiên cứu các phrases tiếng Anh và không nên dịch sát nghĩa từ tiếng việt nhé.
Đồng thời bạn nên tìm hiểu thêm về cách phát triển 1 cái argument nhé. Argument của bạn hơi yếu.
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It is believed that youngsters should spend their spare time taking part in some volunteer work, which can be very helpful for, broadly speaking, both the individual and the society. From my point of view, I partially agree with this proposal.
To begin with, community work can be beneficial for children. First and foremost, teenagers can acquire some interpersonal skills through doing unpaid work. It is likely that society activities require a sense of teamwork, hence, young people must learn how to cooperate with each other and behave with company having different ages, personality and even culture. Moreover, when they have do unpaid jobs at social and cultural events, they can receive moral values as well as develop their good characteristics. For instance, young volunteers who spare their free time to work in nursing homes for the elderly will be more patient, sympathetic and so on.
On the other hand, sometimes, doing unpaid work becomes burdens to children when they have been are put under increasing pressure of full study plans. School is just as demanding as a full time job. Also, teachers assign too much homework to students. Besides, both family and teachers expect the highest examination results from them. Thus, when young people have some free time, they should enjoy it with their family and friends or take it to do sports or other leisure activities. Many years of work are waiting ahead of them as soon as they complete their studies.
In general, it goes without saying that doing unpaid work and studying bring benefits for students in equal measurement. As a result, they should balance both of them so that young people have more meaningful lives and unforgettable childhood experiences.
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children : Youngster = Teenager nhưng Teenager =/= Children nhé :)
full study plans : full study schedule
both family and teachers : so sánh thì family and school, parents and teachers thì mới tương đương.
they should balance both of them so that young people have more meaningful lives and unforgettable childhood experiences. Trong 1 câu có cả they và young people, nên they được hiểu là một người nào đó khác chứ không phải young people.