Question

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. Do you agree or disagree.

Never before have recent decades witnessed a great breakthroughs in scientific developments of space which require a financially unfailing support from governments. While many people argue that budget should be allocated for upgrading public services, I firmly hold a balanced view towards this issue that it is each nation’s sustainability which is the determinant.

               In under-developed countries, where people’s hardships remain unremoved, space research operations are never ranked at top priority since not are they financially costly, but they also require consistent human involvement. Under-developed nations would no doubt come under harsh censures from both their citizens and worldwide communities if governments’ budget was poured in space researches instead of facilitation of people’s lives.

               On the contrary, in developed and wealthy countries, spending money on space studies is of great values. It is practical and advantageous as an insight into this field allows people to broaden their horizons and visions. In reality, space programs never fail to attract people’s attention as it seeks opportunities accessing human beings to locate in outer space when land for living activities on the Earth becomes unsolvable, especially the world today has been witnessing an exponential increase in populations for decades. If there is solely financial concentration on tackling social problems without budget allocating in researches, global community will definitely face an age of retrograding.

               In conclusion, the fact that whether a nation is sufficiently sustainable or not will be a decisive factor in considering space programs to be carried out.

(246 words)

Thanks everyone for your comments :)

Answer 1

Chào bạn. Bài của bạn có 1 số chỗ nên sửa như sau:

- Đề bài hỏi 'agree or disagree'. Bài của bạn không trả lời câu hỏi đưa ra (bài của bạn nếu dùng cho câu 'what is your opinion?' thì hợp lý hơn). Cấu trúc bài rõ ràng nhưng không đúng trọng tâm câu hỏi

- Cấu trúc câu đôi lúc quá phức tạp nên làm nội dung không rõ. Dùng đảo cấu trúc như câu đầu tiên của bạn cũng được, nhưng đọc hơi lủng củng. 

- Bạn đã cố gắng dùng nhiều từ dùng trong academic writing nhưng mà vẫn cần luyện thêm để dùng cho khéo hơn nữa

- Conclusion không thể chỉ viết 1 câu.

Bài của bạn mình sửa dưới đây.

Never before have there been more breakthroughs in understanding the universe. Such great achievements often require unfailing financial support from governments. While many people argue that a larger portion of the annual budget should be allocated to the public services, I firmly hold a balanced view towards this issue that it is each nation’s sustainability which is the determinant (như mình nói, câu này không trả lời câu hỏi đề bài đưa ra).

In under-developed countries where people struggle to have a good living condition, space research is not ranked in the top priorities since it is often costly and requires long-term commitment. Such an investment will come under criticism from both the local and international communities.

On the contrary, in developed countries, spending money on space studies is of great values. It is practical and advantageous as an insight into this field allows people to broaden their knowledge. Space programs often capture attention. They open up a posibility for humans to relocate elsewhere in space. Without funding from the governments, scientists cannot continue with their research and progress will be stopped.

In conclusion, the fact that whether a nation is sufficiently sustainable or not (mình không hiểu ý bạn chỗ này) will be a decisive factor in considering space programs to be carried out.