Mình là Newbie...mong mọi người góp ý cho bài viết Task 2 của mình

Question

People need to cut down their animals consumption to protect the animal. Do you Agree or Disagree? Why?  

  Some people think that animals consumption need cutting down for keeping the animals safer. I absolutely agree with this point of view.
  In these recent years, the number of animals are reducing extremely fast or even worse they are disappearing and this situation is happening in all around the world most caused by people behaviors. To be honestly, it is really absurd to believe that there are the heaven medicines can cure any kind of sickness such as rhinos horn, shark fins, bear hands, ect. Following to the researchers, from the best evidence they had made, in these foods only have a very few amount of nutrition or maybe none.
  In some countries like US, UK, China, Japan,… Tans of foods are wasted every day. Not only animals but also vegetables are used terribly, they served in the restaurant but when the customers don’t really enjoy their meals, the foods will become trashes even though it could eat after or stored.
 In conclusion, I would say individuals should control their food requirements to protect animals and also protect ourselves

Answer 1

  Some people think that animals consumption need cutting down for keeping the animals safer. I absolutely agree with this point of view.

In these (the) recent years, the number of animals are reducing (has been falling/ decreasing) extremely fast or even worse they are (has been) disappearing and this situation is happening in all around the world most caused by people behaviors. To be honestly, it is really absurd to believe that there are the heaven medicines can cure any kind of sickness such as rhinos horn, shark fins, bear hands, ect. Following (According) to the researchers, from the best evidence they had made, in these foods only have (there is only) a very few amount of nutrition or maybe none.

 Tans (Tons) of foods are wasted every day.

 

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã check hộ mình.... Mà phần " and this situation is happening"sao lại bỏ vậy bạn ?

---

Bởi vì phần đó thừa bạn ạ. Phần "the number of animals has been falling [...] they has been disappearing" là đủ thay cho phần "this situation is happening" rồi.

Answer 2

Some people think that animals consumption need cutting down for keeping the animals safer( cố gắng paraphrase nhiều hơn) . I absolutely agree with this point of view.
   In these recent years, the number of animals are reducing extremely fast or even worse(,) they are disappearing and this situation is happening in all around the world most caused by people behaviors. To be honestly, it is really absurd to believe that there are the heaven medicines can cure any kind of sickness such as rhinos horn, shark fins, bear hands, ect( không dùng etc). Following to the researchers, from the best evidence they had made, in these foods only have a very few amount of nutrition or maybe none.

  In some countries like US, UK, China, Japan,… Tans of foods are wasted every day. Not only animals but also vegetables are used terribly, they served in the restaurant but when the customers don’t really enjoy their meals, the foods will become trashes even though it could eat after or stored.
 In conclusion, I would say individuals should control their food requirements to protect animals and also protect ourselves ( bên trên có individuals dưới nên dùng themselves)