Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

There are arguments among us that the authorities should spend the budget on medical 

and educational services rather than on the construction of theaters and sport stadiums.

 I completely disapprove of this idea because of some reasons.

 

Firstly, going to theaters or sport stadiums is one of the most prevalent leisure activities of the 

population. Many people choose this as a relief of stresses after a hard day working in the offices.

Either laughters in the theaters or vigors in the crowd in the stadiums alleviate the tensions of work. 

Also, it is in the theater that the stimulation of old traditions understanding occurs.

 

Secondly, many people attach their careers to these places. There, actors and 

athletes train and perform everyday. Therefore, they are part of

their lives. Furthermore, many celebrities who have brought fames to their nations

were discovered at these places.

 

To conclude, theaters and sport stadiums are such important places that they should

not be neglected by the governments.

Mong mn giúp e tiến bộ hơn :D

Answer 1

Overall, the essay looks good because it has clear points and supports. The writer had carefully chose the words and tried to vary the words used in the essay. However, I suggest writing it longer, just elaborate each points a bit more or putting more examples. And there are some minor grammar mistakes.

There are arguments ( arguments? i think you should only use arguments in the essay that you are writing to both protect your point of view and attack the other side at the same time) among us that the authorities should spend the budget on medical. ( Could be like this: People have been arguing for a long time about the case that it is better if the authorities spend budget in medical and educational services rather than on the construction of theaters and sport stadiums)and educational services rather than on the construction of theaters and sport stadiums. In my view/ In my opinion/ From my perspective/ Personally/

 I completely disapprove of this idea because of some reasons.

 

Firstly, going to theaters or sport stadiums is one of the most prevalent leisure activities of the 

population. Many people choose this ( what is this?, you should state it more clearly) as a relief of stresses after a hard day working in the offices.

Either laughters in the theaters or vigors in the crowd in the stadiums alleviate the tensions of work. 

Also, it is in the theater that the stimulation of old traditions understanding occurs.

 

Secondly, many people attach their careers to these places ( Many of people's careers are attached to these places). There, actors and 

athletes train and perform everyday. Therefore, they (they?, stadiums and movie theaters) are part of

their  lives. Furthermore, many celebrities who have brought fames to their nations

were discovered at these places. ( Elaborate more from this point, Consider the case that if we dont construct the stadiums or theaters, we will lose the chances to find out excellent performers or atheletes who can bring pride back for the country, ..............blah blah)

 

To conclude, theaters and sport stadiums are such important places that they should

not be neglected by the governments.

 

Regards,

Duong NGUYEN

Comments

wow :D thank u :D it's really helpful, i'll try my best next time

Answer 2

bai viet cua ban cung hay nhung loi y dan luan con don gian. Minh ko co y kien gi khac vi neu minh co y kien thi minh phai virt bai cho rieng minh.

Comments

mk cũng thấy nó thiếu ý @@ tks bạn nhé

Answer 3

Firstly, going to theaters or sport stadiums is one of the most prevalent leisure activities of the 

population -> prevalent among

Secondly, many people attach their careers to these places.  -> Câu này mình thấy kì kì mà k biết sửa sao -_- hix

 There, actors and athletes train and perform everyday

-> These places have witnessed how hard-working and persevering athletes and actors/actresses are to deliver spectacular performances to the audience. (mình nghĩ bạn nên khai triển nhiều ý hơn, đừng viết simple sentences nữa, mà phải đa dạng structures và vocabulary) ^^

Furthermore, many celebrities who have brought fames to their nations were discovered at these places. 

-> It is true that many talents who have brought fame and proud to their nations were born at these places

 Trên đây chỉ là góp ý của mình, hi vọng sẽ giúp bạn nhiều ^^

Comments

cảm ơn bạn rất nhiều :D mình sẽ cố gắng hơn nữa :))