“Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventatice measures. Do you agree or disagree? [closed]

Question

Some people think that governments ought to spend more money from their health budget on education as well as preventative measures. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view.

Health education is beneficial to some extent. Firstly, the population need to know the importance of health that impacts so much on their work. If we are tired or ill, we will not able to accomplish our work successfully. Secondly, people have to be educated about how to improve their health. For example, a person who has a balanced diet and does exercise every day will probably stronger and live longer than those who are not active. It is common sense that athletes have strong resistance.

It is clear that there are a avariety of advantages to promoting preventative measures in order to maintain a healthy body. The most convincing argument is that people can understand causes of many diseases throughout educating the public, which allows us to protect by our own regular activities. For instance, washing hands before eating or after playing helps us to reduce bacterial penetration that has an negative effect on our immune system and our respiratory organs. Furthermore,  people may also be a doctor in their own families. They can treat some illnesses  without going to hospital. From this, their family budget is used for others like water or electricity bill, house, car, and clothes.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that investing in health education is much better than treatment.

Answer 1

Mình có vài comment:

- Bài viết của b sử dụng there are a variety of... là hoàn toàn chính xác, đây là 1 trong những mẫu câu rất phổ biến trong IELTS.

- Trong grammar: eduacte sb to/on sth, tuy nhiên ở đây educate about cũng ko vấn đề j, thậm chí còn rất được ng bản xứ sd rất thông dụng.

Answer 2

I have some comment on your essay and they are just consultative. Hope we can improve our writing skills. :) Nice to meet you.

 

If we are tired or ill, we will not able to accomplish our work successfully.

> will not be able to / will be unable to

> 'accomplish' and 'work' do not collocate. It should be better off using: finish our work.

> Besides, accomplish means to succeed in doing sth, so the adverb 'successfully' is redundant. 

 

Secondly, people have to be educated about how to improve their health.

> educate sb in/on sth

 

For example, a person who has a balanced diet and does exercise every day will probably stronger and live longer than those who are not active. 

> will be probably stronger

 

It is clear that there are a avariety of advantages to promoting preventative measures in order to maintain a healthy body.

> there is a variety of advantages

> advantage of promoting

 

Comments

Thank for your comment. It is very useful :)