IELTS Task 2 Country's success: Mọi người góp ý giúp mình với nhé..cám ơn nhiều..!
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Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

A successful country is usually defined by its development level in economic term. In my opinion, to assess a country’s success, there are several different factors, just apart from economy and education is the most important of all.

                Healthy systems cannot fail to mention when evaluating a country. A strong country can be seen through a good healthcare provision which makes a huge impact on people’s living standards within country such as life expectancy rates and availability of medical services. In fact, all developed countries show a high rate of life expectancy and low rate of obesity and HIV infections as reflecting the quality of healthcare. A vital indicator, in addition, is equality of human rights represented by democratic principles, racial equality and gender equality. A country in which women do not have the same opportunities as men in public places or working environments might be considered less successful than a country with better gender equality.

                However, in my view, the most important factor is a country’s education system. This is because education system including schools, colleges and universities bear responsibility for the quality of young generation who directly create achievements in future. Education also has a considerable effect on two factors mentioned above. For being well-qualified lawyers, law students need to be educated to the highest level before they can bring justice to everyone. Furthermore, education affects people’s health in the sense that highly skilled-benevolent doctors will allow saving many poor people.

                In conclusion, economic progress, healthcare provision and human rights are important factors when measuring a country’s success, but education system directly affects to the development of country and other factors.
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Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

A successful country is usually defined by its development level in economic term. In my opinion, to assess a country’s success, there are several different factors, just apart from economy and education is 2 chủ ngữ sao dùng is the most important of all.

                Healthy systems the health(medical) system cannot fail to to be mentioned mention when evaluating a country. A strong country can be seen through see through=not be deceived, nên dùng be shown by a good healthcare provision which makes a huge impact on people’s living standards(living standard) within country such as life expectancy rates(rate) and availability of medical services. In fact, all developed countries show a high rate of the life expectancy and a low rate of obesity and HIV infections (bỏ s ) as reflecting the quality of (the) healthcare. A vital indicator, in addition, is equality of human rights represented by democratic principles, racial equality and gender (sexual) equality. A country in which women (woman chỉ đàn bà nói chung, không cần số nhiều) do not have the same opportunities as men(man) in public places or working environments(in workplace) might be considered less successful than a(another) country with better gender equality.

                However, in my view, the most important factor is a country’s education system. This is because(this) education system including schools, colleges and universities bear responsibility for the quality of young generation who directly create achievements in (the)future. Education also has a considerable effect on two factors mentioned above. For being(To be) well-qualified lawyers, law students need to be educated(hoặc need educating) to the highest level before they can bring justice to everyone. Furthermore, education affects people’s health in the sense that highly skilled-benevolent doctors will allow saving many poor people.

                In conclusion, economic progress, healthcare provision and human rights are important factors when measuring a country’s success, but education system directly affects(affect không đi kèm giới từ) to the development of (a) country and other factors.

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Cảm ơn góp ý của bạn nhiều nhé..!

Mình thấy việc dùng article "a" và "the" của mìnhcòn chưa chắc, thêm nữa là single nound và plural nuon cũng vậy.

It is useful to me...thanks..have nice day!
mình nghĩ bạn nên học cả cách dùng this, that, these, those cho có tí coherence

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