A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people
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Đề bài:

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same right as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including ues for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Bai lam:

There is an increasing exploitation of animals for human’ demand in these days. Many people agree with encouraging people to employ animals to make use of this resource for their lives and research purpose, whereas I advocate the opinion of preventing exploitation of animals by people together with place animals beside people equally.

With regard to approval of exploiting animals, many people believe this is an acceptable action for several reasons. Firstly, human, apart from plant products, also require a considerable consumption of animals-originated-products to provide vitamins and essential nutrients for survival. If human are unable to meet completely these nutritional contents, we would be caught some malnourished-related-diseases such as rickets, especially in children. Furthermore, animals can be used as samples for experiments so that medical researchers are able to find ways to fight and cure for various diseases in human. Therefore, using animals for scientific purpose is acceptable from some of people’ views

However, I believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin, allowing people to exploit animals and to be equal with them is that if people introduce strict legislation to tackle illegal hunting of citizens, it would help preservation of endangered species in the world such as poplar panda. In other words, there’s no legislation for hunting animals, people will overexploit which reduce the number of species and ecosystem imbalance as a result. Moreover, when animals are treated as human, the world might become better in the side of humanitarian. It means that is also a good way to educate children. Consequently, young generation would learn how to harmonize with nature and form a good manner from early years by protecting our creatures.

To sum up, although it is necessary to animals for food and research, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that this is not the case, therefore, steps must be taken to improve the rights of animals.

P/S: Mình viết bài này lâu hơn so với thời gian quy định nhưng post lên chỉ là để mọi người góp ý về ideas và cách triển khai đã hợp lý chưa thôi ạ. Thanks!:)

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bài viết của bạn khá ổn rồi. theo mình có thể từ 6.5 trở lên. à cá nhân mình nghĩ bạn nên thêm 1 số câu có trạng từ bổ nghĩa động từ nữa cho đa dạng. ý tưởng bạn cũng khá hay mà ví dụ thêm cụ thể xíu nữa như ở quốc gia nào, năm nào( để cho người đọc cảm thấy bài chặc chẽ)  mà bạn chú ý trong văn viết hạn chế dùng chữ I nhé. chuyển qua bị động sẽ trang trọng và khách quan hơn.
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mình cảm ơn góp ý của bạn nhé :)

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