Ielts task 1 đề thi: 21/3/2015 (Map) Nhờ mọi người chữa giùm mình bài này nhé! Mình tập viết hoài mà viết vẫn còn vụng lắm :(

Question

21/3/2015 (Map)   

The two maps display the development of college campus thanks to the construction of some facilities from 1978 to 2010.

In general, after a 32- year period, most of the surface of the campus has been changed except from the study area; and there was just a small change in the sport field’s function which became outdoor sports field. The road surrounding the sport field has been expanded from 2 to 3 branches with the new one connected to a newly-built IT centre that is adjacent to the library which was half reduced in acreage. There was also a new science building occupying the area next to the music centre and the theater centre was replaced by the xxx building. Along with time, the car park acreage was increased by 4 times.

In the future, the development may continue with the change in the study area which might be enlarged to meet the demand of students. Moreover, a cafeteria may be taken into consideration so that students have a place to relax after hard- working time.

Answer 1

Mình có vài góp ý với bạn:

1, Bạn nên post cả đề bài vs cả map lên để mọi người cùng biết.

2, Coherence and Cohension: Bài viết của bạn mặc dù đã phân đc khổ rõ ràng nhưng nhiều ý diễn đạt còn dài dòng và không nói được hết ý (The road surrounding the sport field has been expanded from 2 to 3 branches with the new one connected to a newly-built IT centre that is adjacent to the library which was half reduced in acreage) => trừ điểm.

3. Thông tin mà bạn thể hiện trong bài viết chưa phong phú, các thay đổi mà map biểu diễn có thể so sánh thêm để làm cho ý phong phú.

 

Comments

cám ơn bạn nhiều! Mình sẽ rút kinh nghiệm cho lần sau.

Answer 2

Bạn ơi 1 vài chỗ còn sai tense ý!!!

a newly-built IT centre that is adjacent to the library 

ko biết nhận xét gì nữa mà cần at least 300 ký tự thì biết phải làm sao :'( em cũng mới chập chững, viết được mỗi 1 vài bài mà biết đâu nhận xét huhuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Answer 3

The two maps display the development of college campus thanks to the construction of some facilities from 1978 to 2010.

In general, after a 32- year period, most of the surface of the campus has been changed except from the study area; and there was just a small change in the sport field’s function which became outdoor sports field. The road surrounding the sport field has been expanded from 2 to 3 branches with the new one connected to a newly-built IT centre that is adjacent to the library which was half reduced in acreage. There was also a new science building occupying the area next to the music centre and the theater centre was replaced by the xxx building. Along with time, the car park acreage was increased by 4 times.

In the future, the development may continue with the change in the study area which might be enlarged to meet the demand of students. Moreover, a cafeteria may be taken into consideration so that students have a place to relax after hard- working time.