Some people think that it is best to live in a vertical city (mean that people work and live in high buildings) while others think a horizontal city is better. Discuss both views

Question

People have differing views about living in either high buildings or horizontally-built houses. While there are some benefits to residing in horizontal cities, I would argue that people should live in high rises in the 21^st century.

There are several reasons why people should live and work in high buildings. Firstly, the global population is getting higher every year, so air space should be used to provide sufficient residential areas for people. For example, a large number of people have recently chosen to buy or rent a flat in condominiums, rather than live in a bungalow. Secondly, many offices, department stores, cinemas, and game zones may be the same located in a multi-storey building, which enable people to save their commute time for both working and entertaining, especially during rush traffic hours.

On the other hand, some people argue that it is better to have a horizontal living. To build tower blocks, people have to spend a great amount of time and money. This means that it would take years to complete a building, whereas a horizontal house might be done less than a year. In terms of disasters, earthquakes pose a threat to both vertical and horizontal cities, but skyscrappers will deal with more severe damage. Besides, there are often elevator accidents happened in high buildings. If we care about safety, a horizontal city will be a proper choice. 

In conclusion, I believe that there will have solutions for drawbacks of vertical cities in some years to come in order to give people a not only convenient but also safe living.

Mấy bạn xem giúp mình có được khoản 6.5 - 7.0 không? Có gì sai góp ý với mình nha. Thanks

Answer 1

Bạn tham khảo các tiêu chí IELTS để cố gắng hơn với mục tiêu 6.5 - 7. 6.5 và 7 cách nhau không gần nhé.

http://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_2_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf

 

Về ngữ pháp

While there are some benefits to residing in horizontal cities

=> "to residing". Trong Oxford, benefit of doing/ something, benefit to do something.

I would argue that people should live in high rises in the 21^st century.

=> "high rises" high-rises/ highrises. high-rise buildings/ towers

Secondly, many offices, department stores, cinemas, and game zones may be the same located in a multi-storey building, which enable people to save their commute time for both working and entertaining, especially during rush traffic hours.

=> "be the same located" be located in the same multi-storey building

In conclusion, I believe that there will have solutions for drawbacks of vertical cities in some years to come in order to give people a not only convenient but also safe living.

=> There will be many solutions for the drawbacks of.... give not only convenience .....

 

In terms of lexical resources

Có cố gắng dùng một số từ để tăng diversity:

residential areas, a flat in condominiums, a bungalow, multi-storey building, skyscrappers

Collocation: severe damage

Bạn nên thêm một số academic words và good phrases vào để tăng điểm nhé.

Còn 2 tiêu chí còn lại là Task achievement and Organization (Coherence and Cehesion) bạn làm khá tốt, nhất là giữa các câu có liên kết khá chặt chẽ. Cần tập trung nâng cao 2 tiêu chí bên trên.

Best

I hope that you can achieve a band score of 7-7.5, which exceeds your expection if you spend more time practicing and keeping moving foward.

 

Nguyen Binh Phuong.

Comments

Hi bạn !!

I'm super grateful to your feedback, which means a lot to me. I know I made some very basic grammar mistakes like '' benefit of.... ''. Shame on me !! I think, however, you should double-check these grammar structures again:

- '' Take time to do sth ''  http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/take-the-time-to-do-something

- '' Solution to (sth) '' http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/grammar?q=grammar

- '' The same/ Same '' is an adverb, so it's okay for any of them to come before an adjective (''located''). Actually, I did intend to put it like '' located in the same multi-storey building '' ^^, but I changed my mind then. 

- '' Not only convenient but also safe living '' - I mean '' a convenient and safe living '', I wanted to use 2 adjectives to modify the noun ''living'', is it okay? I'm kind of confused !!

I totally agree with you there is lack of collocations in my essay. I need to work on it.

Thank you so much again !! I thought my essay would go unnoticed here :)

Best regards !!

 

 

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Hi Vick Bui,

'' Not only convenient but also safe living '' - I mean '' a convenient and safe living '', I wanted to use 2 adjectives to modify the noun ''living'', is it okay? I'm kind of confused !!

=> Agree, I overlooked it.

'' Solution to (sth) ''

=> Agree, I did not notice this error. I just raised a question of :  there will have/There will be. Did you mean "these"?

 

Best

Nguyễn Bình Phương

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Mình muốn nói là '' Sẽ có giải pháp cho những cái drawbacks cùa horizontal cities...''

Best ^^