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Mọi người góp ý và nhận xét cho mình essay này nhé (nếu được thì cho mình xin band score luôn). Chân thành cảm ơn và trân trọng mọi ý kiến dù là nhỏ nhất của các bạn. =)) Thanks again.laugh

Some people believe that when designing a building, the most important thing to be considered is the function rather than the outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 Creating structure of the building is the complex work which requires the profound knowledge about architecture and the superior qualifications. Some certain people believe that the primary functions of the constructions are much more important in comparison with the outlooks of them. However, in my point of view, I completely disagree with this opinion because of two main reasons.

The most significant reason is that the appearances of some buildings are designed with the purpose of tackling natural disadvantages and disasters. In particular, skyscrapers often appear with the cylindrical shape to reduce the serious impact of wind resistance, therefore enforcing the stabilities of the buildings. Other typical examples are the multiple- story departments in Japan which form to special structures to absorb the significant vibrant of major earthquakes so they can limit the negative damages of seismic activities and save the large amount of money for Japanese government.

Another noticeable reason for the importance of outward appearance is the prestigious commercial value. Firstly, some constructions are the icons of cities or even of all regions. The well-known Opera House with the unique outer-shell structure, for instance, symbolize for the history and the prosperity of Sydney which is considered as the pure pearl of Australia. The second advantage of appealing appearance is the marketing value. Evidently, some modern buildings which contain the chain of shopping malls, high-class restaurants and other luxury recreational spots are decorated with allusive layout to attract attention of customers. In fact, this advertising method could draw billions of annual avenues for the owners.

In conclusion, for several reasons mentioned above, it can be observed that the appearance of the building has the equivalent role versus the main function.

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Creating structure of the building is the complex work which requires the profound knowledge about architecture and the superior qualifications. [do you agree with me that “superior qualifications” to some extent includes the idea of “profound knowledge” and vice versa] Some certain people believe that the primary functions of the constructions are much more important in comparison with the outlooks of them. [A passive voice sentence sounds better here] However, in my point of view, [we say “from my point of view” or “in my opinion”] I completely disagree with this opinion because of two main reasons.

The most significant reason one [ I think that “one” would sound better ] is that the appearances of some buildings are designed with the purpose of tackling natural disadvantages [sound unnatural and I don’t understand what you really mean] and disasters.[again, I find the two ideas somehow similar to each other] In particular, skyscrapers often appear with the cylindrical shape to reduce the serious impact of wind resistance  [difficult to understand] avoid being damaged by gale - force winds, therefore enforcing the stabilities of the buildings. Other typical examples are the multiple- story departments in Japan which form to special structures [which are formed into special structures] to absorb the significant vibrant [shaking] of major earthquakes so they can in an endeavor to limit the negative damages [are there  any positive damages?] of seismic activities and to save the a large amount of money for Japanese government.[In my opinion, the idea of saving a large amount of money for Japanese government sounds not good]

Another noticeable reason for the importance of outward appearance is the prestigious commercial value. [simple sentence]. It is also important to note that the outward appearance also brings about prestigious commercial value. Firstly, some constructions are the icons of cities or even of all regions. The well-known Opera House with the unique outer-shell structure, for instance, symbolizes for symbolizes the history and the prosperity of Sydney which is considered as the pure pearl of Australia The second advantage of appealing appearance is the marketing value.[simple sentence again] Of equal significance is the marketing value. [I couldn’t understand what the differences between “prestigious commercial value” and “marketing value” are] Evidently, some modern buildings which contain the chain of shopping malls, high-class restaurants and other luxury recreational spots are decorated with allusive layout to attract attention of customers. [not clear enough because the main idea is included in a phrase which modifies the word “decorated” ] Evidently, by decorating the chain of shopping malls, high – class restaurants and other luxury recraeational spots with allusive layout, some modern buildings attract much more attention from customers. In fact, this advertising method [ in my opinion, "this practice" sounds much better] could draw billions of annual avenues for the owners.

In conclusion, for several reasons mentioned above, it can be observed that the appearance of the building has the equivalent role versus the main function.

Editted by Đặng Hải Phụng

 

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Cảm ơn bạn nhiều. Mình có vài chỗ muốn giải thích:
-profound knowledge & superior qualifications : mình muốn nhắc đến kiến thức và kĩ năng (phẩm chất) nghề nghiệp. (dùng từ skills đúng không vì qualifications có thể hiểu là bằng cấp)
-natural advantages & natural disasters: bất lợi tự nhiên và thảm họa thiên nhiên, thực ra là mình có ý muốn tách ra cho 2 ví dụ sau về sức cản gió và động đất
-reduce the serious impact of wind resistance: giảm sức cản của gió. Mình nghĩ dùng cái này thì sẽ hay hơn câu của bạn với "avoid...gale - force winds" mình không có ý là ma sát của gió làm hỏng tòa nhà mà là sức cản gió lớn thì độ vững chắc của nhà cao tầng sẽ không được đảm bảo =))
-Đoạn dưới thì commercial bao gồm 2 ý: symbolize và marketing.
      Bạn có thể chữa theo ý này giúp mình những đoạn bạn cho rằng khó hiểu không?
      Những phần còn lại thì mình hoàn toàn đồng ý với bạn.
      Chân thành cảm ơn bạn nhé =)).

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