Games for children - Nhờ các bạn xem giúp bài Writing task 2. Cảm ơn rất nhiều :)
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In recent decades, playing computer games has become popular activity for children at all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child’s development.

Do you agree with this statement?

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These days it seems easy for everybody to tell real stories about children who ruined their life due to addicted into playing games, and because of that many people convicted games as a dangerous entertainment to children’s development. I from my personal view still believe that playing games itself is not damaging but benefit for children actually.

Firstly games that are played in a suitable timeframe daily may enhance human’s creativity greatly. Gamer must have flash thinking but logic in the same time to keep them survive on the game and this ability can bring children huge advantages in brainstorming and situation resolving in their real life. Practice to think out of the box and giving rapid response frequently are undeniable to be good for children.

Some people may argue that gamers are just sinking deeply in a day dream with virtual achievement and totally forgot their real mission of life. But the thing is that being in a virtual life may not a bad thing to its nature, but is somehow can help children to balance their mind out of pressure from school and other difficulties in real life, its turn out to be supportive to children in a long run. To me, gamers and readers are similar in terms of having virtual life, in games or books, that can benefit people in almost the same way.

One more advantage that games can bring to people’s real life that is how it help children making better communication with kids that having the same hobby  and even become friend for a lifetime. Playing games with friends may be one of the most precious and laid-back memories that people deserve to have in their childhood.

In conclusion, despite the fact that people misclaim games as harmful to children, it may actually help develop their brain, balance their life toward pressure and may even help them to find many good friends, as long as they and their parents keep them not being too addicted into it.
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These days it seems easy for everybody to tell real stories about children who ruined their life due to addicted into playing games, (addiction to games)  and because of that many people convicted (considered) games as a dangerous entertainment to children’s development. I from my personal view still (nên thêm phẩy trước và sau cụm 'from my personal view") believe that playing games itself is not damaging but benefit for children actually. (beneficial to)

Firstly games that are played in a suitable timeframe daily may enhance human’s creativity greatly. Gamer(s) must have flash thinking but(and) logic in(at) the same time (suggest 1 cái là simultaneously) to keep them survive on (in) the game 


 But the thing is that (văn nói) being (living) in a virtual life may not a  (be) bad thing to its nature,(by nature (perhaps..?)) but is somehow (because it) can help children to balance their mind out of pressure from school and other difficulties in real life, its turn (it turns) out to be supportive to children in a long run. To me, gamers and readers are similar in terms of having virtual life, in games or books, (whether in games or books) that can benefit people in almost the same way.

One more advantage that games can bring to people’s real life that is (is that) how it help children making better communication with kids that having (share)the same hobby  and even become friend (friends) for a lifetime. Playing games with friends may be one of the most precious and laid-back memories that people deserve to have in their childhood.

as long as they and their parents keep them not (prevent them from) being too addicted into (to) it.

 

Lam: Chữa

Lục: Ý kiến riêng của mình 

Vàng: (Lỗi)

Comment: trong 40 phút dựng được ý tưởng thế này cũng tốt, tuy nhiên cần trau chuốt hơn về lỗi grammar, thế là sai hơi nhiều đó. Bài viết đôi chỗ hơi 'văn nói' , cần tránh. 

 

P/s: Mình/em đang học lớp 10, kiến thức còn hạn chế. Thớt có thấy mình sai thì nhắc để cả hai cùng tiến :)  

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