The line graph illustrates the number of cases of China and the USA birth rates ( this phase is really confusing and grammatically incorrect) over 80 years from 1920 to 2000 ( you either state the period of time or the time frame, not both). This is how i recommend you should rewrite your introduction. The line graph compares China and the USA in terms of the number of newborns between 1920 and 2000 ( or over the period of 80 years).
Overall,the trend of birth rate of both of nations China and the USA varied fluctuated and went down during of period from 1920 to 2000. With lows in 1940s and highs in 1950s. over the period shown.
With In China, looking at the graph we can see (doesnt sounds academic/ according to the graph) , there were 4 main periods. China's birth rate varied stably between 1920 and 1935,. 5 years later it plunged suddenly, then it soared continually dramatically from 5 percent to 20 percent after within 10 years, in the end There was dramatic increase from 1950 to 2000. avoid writing long sentences, wrtie short and simple sentences start with otherwise it is very confusing.
About rate birth in the USA this doesnt sound academic, it also varied stably from 1920 to 1935, and there was a had been a dramatic decreased about / of approximately 7 percent during 10 years later by 1945 before went up quickly between 1945 and 1950 ( make this a new sentence) . Finally, there was a slow fall prior to 2000.good.
What you need to improve on:
-
Simplify your sentences. At the moment, you make a lot of grammar mistakes by trying to make long sentences.
-
Learn to write in an academic style. Read a lot of model anwers.
-
do not describle the two lines seperately. Make comparision if you can as it is one of the important things the examiners look for.
Minh co nhan cham bai. 20k/bai. neu ban co hung thu. lien he minh qua [email protected]