Mọi người ơi giúp mình với :) :) " Only people who earn a lot of money are successful

Question

It is undeniable that most of us have an aspiration for becoming a successful people. While one school of thoughts is that people who have success are only the wealthy, I believe that ordinary people also succeed in their life.

It is true that successful people have ususally a large amount of money. They have to work hard and conscientiously to overcome many challenges to reach the principle of the success ladder. Therefore, the majority of them are awarded by the amount of money they gain. In addition, some people who succeed thanks to the affluency of their family.

However, the way to success is not only open to the affluent, but even ordinary people. Firstly, success needs efforts from every person. If you are talented and hardworking, you could become a famous person in a certain field. Secondly, the success does not mean money, but it is increasingly likely to be happiness you have. Perhaps it is a cosy, hilarious family with  warmhearted parents and obeant childrent. Finally, success many be meaning ful things you devote ot life. In fact, over time, there has been a wide range of poor artists creating many brilliant workarts.

In conclusion, although successful people many be very rich, it is uncertain to argue that other prdinay people are unable to achieve success in life.

Answer 1

Mình thấy bài của bạn sai grammar những lỗi cơ bản ( ví dụ : a successful people, have usually, In addition, some people who succeed thanks to the affluency of their family -> câu này không có vị ngữ ,idiom: school of thought, bla bla).

Mình thấy bạn viết từng câu rất gọn, vậy là tốt rồi. Bạn cứ tiếp tục tập viết đi. Từ từ đổi những từ đơn giản trong bài thành từ mới, và tránh lập từ, sau đó mới tập cách viết câu dài ra bằng những cấu trúc phức tạp hơn

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