Topic: In many countries, the baby boys outnumber baby girls. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on society?

Question

We cannot deny that the birth rate in some developing nations has remarkably increased in recent years. The result is that demographics change the population ages. Having more newborns sounds like a good thing (as they are main social workforce in future), but an increasing number of male babies have been born rather than female ones. In my opinion, the negative drawbacks of gender imbalance brings for society far outnumber the benefits.

On the one hand, some people believe that having more baby boys can bring that about many advantages to society. The first major benefit is that they will become white-collar as well as blue-collar in subsequent generation. Thanks to their wisdom and knowledge which have been imparted by former generations, which will play a vital role in economy development. Secondly, when it comes to old oriental socities, masculine gender has been always looked favourably on their qualifications because they are bound to have better healthy basement and make wiser decisions than weaker one, therefore, only men are allowed to get an education and simultaneously women were underestimated.

On the other hand, several social problems associated with the imbalance between two genders can be expected. The most noteworthy matter of this issue is that traditional bias and unsubstantiated misconceptions for sons have led to this imbalance by chance. One of the populous nations, for example, the boy-girl breakdown has been directly affected by China's only one-child policy, thus tending to have a son whose ability of the head of the family. Consequently, they are willing to have the foetal gender examinations during early pregnancy to verify baby's sex that is a cardinal prerequisite to determine whether baby should be born or not. Another pressure of this phenomenon may be an increase in the number of abortion cases which is one of the controversial issues in contemporary society.

In conclusion, to take this phenomenon, governments should educate people in raising their awareness and take appropriate action. They should also look at the bigger picture and do their best so that in the future we have a better gender balance.

Mong các bạn góp ý thêm cho bài viết của mình. Xin cảm ơn!

Answer 1

We cannot deny => mình nghĩ nên hạn chế dùng deny or undeniable bởi vì trong ielts không có gì không thể phủ nhận cả :)) chỉ là ý kiến cá nhân thôi

 main social workforce => thay main bằng chief hoặc major để formal hơn

the negative drawbacks of gender imbalance brings for society far outnumber the benefits => câu này bị sai ngữ pháp thì phải. bring và outnumber đều là động từ

economy development=> economic development

Ngoài ra thì bài bạn hay, mình phải học hỏi nhiều. Cảm ơn bạn :))

 

Answer 2

In my opinion, the negative drawbacks of gender imbalance brings for society far outnumber the benefits. ---> In my opinion, the negative effect gender imbalance brings for society far outnumber the benefits. (vì drawbacks đã là nhược điểm rồi thì không có negative nữa)

Ngoài ra nếu mình không nhầm thì đề này là đề argument. Phần thân bài bạn nên tập trung chứng minh trend này gây ra nhiều tác hại với xã hội. Nếu viết theo kiểu 1 đoạn positive 1 đoạn negative là cho đề discussion rồi :))