Nowadays, children often hold negative feelings toward schools and society.causes/solutions

Question

 

     The problematic situation regarding youngsters' behaviour have been concerning the society. Numerous nations have had problems dealing with students who misbehave. There are a plethora of reasons this occurs, however only a modicum will be mentioned herein, along with some possible remedies.

      There are a multitude of causes which lead to scholars' negative attitude. One of the most noticeable can be directly attributed to the demanding school curriculum. Apart from arduous studying lessons at school, students have to complete a wide variety of homework, which cost them efforts and time. As a result, they only have a marginal amount of time to devote to their hobbies as well as families and friends, which would eventually lead to they feeling stressful and having malevolence with school and society. Another which worth mentioning is the parents' responsibilities. In terms of parents, they often play pivotal roles in instilling behaviour traits to their offspring, since children often mimic them in many aspects. Therefore, misbehaviours of parents may end up leading their sons or daughters to crimes: juvenile delinquency or drug abuse.

     Hereby, a number of solutions will be suggested. First and foremost, goverments or involved agencies should pass legislation which might  effectively alter the curriculum so as to prevent  scholary instructors or educational institutions from bombarding students with excessive amount of homework. Another feasible one is for the parents themselves to raise awareness of their children in order to aid in diminishing neagative feelings and thoughts among them.

     To conclude, there are a number of ways to fix students' undesirable behaviours. However, in my opinion, this situation may get worse since the modern world are putting more and more pressure on the young generation.

      

Answer 1

- The problematic situation regarding youngsters' behaviour have been concerning the society. => bạn chia sai động từ, have => has, với câu này nên để dạng bị động, have been concerning => have been concerned.

- which would eventually lead to they feeling stressful and having... => which would eventually make them feel stressful and have ....

- As a result, they only have a marginal amount of time to devote to their hobbies as well as families and friends, which would eventually lead to they feeling stressful and having malevolence with school and society. =>  ý kiến chủ quan của mình thui, mình thấy lập luận này ko đc thuyết phục lắm, vì nhìu đứa nó tressful rùi đâm ra tự kỉ đó chứ nó ko đi đánh nhau.

- Another which worth mentioning is the parents' responsibilities. => thừa which

- Therefore, misbehaviours of parents may end up leading their sons or daughters to crimes: juvenile delinquency or drug abuse. => mình nghĩ sẽ tốt hơn nếu bạn cho mấy cái ví dụ misbehaviour là gì

- Another feasible one is for the parents themselves to raise awareness of their children in order to aid in diminishing neagative feelings and thoughts among them. biện pháp đc nhắc đến trong câu này là gì? 

- To conclude, there are a number of ways to fix students' undesirable behaviours. However, in my opinion, this situation may get worse since the modern world are putting more and more pressure on the young generation. Bạn chưa tổng kết đc phần nguyên nhân gây đến những hành vi của trẻ nên kết luận vậy chưa đc chặt lắm.

Một số góp ý của mình, :D. Chúc bạn học tốt nhé!