Bài tự viết- Mong mọi người góp ý [closed]

Question

My neighborhood

When I pass the final exam, I left the country for the town to study. My new neighborhood is beautiful place but in where I don’t feel happy.

 

“Strange country, foreign land” is quite different place with my country. My new neighborhood is a lot of high-rise buildings, the cribs as my lodging-house as is rare. Furthermore, the road is very wide, many blue trees and a lot of cars.

Specially, ever season in year, my neighborhood changes ever private distinction. First, in the spring, my neighborhood is quite new. Everyone is very happy. The summer still has special. The hot air fills all space. At times, I always feel distasteful. At the same time, I often wet my body because of the sudden rains of winter. Ultimately, the leave’s falling makes me homesick.

As the saying goes “sell a distant relation buy near neighbor”. In the present circumstances, I don’t agree with that fact. A lot of my neighbors are from different countries. Some my neighbors are frigid. Moreover, they are very selfish. They don’t to regard someone’s private life. Fortunately, they don’t talk to love. They only know their work.

I admit that my neighborhood has many people but nobody is my intimate.

As a whole, although my neighborhood has complete matter, it is deficient about the affection of human.

Answer 1

Mình góp ý sơ nhé do writing mình cũng không khá lắm! các bạn cao thủ chỉ thêm nhé! 

My neighborhoodWhen I pass the final exam, I left the ( không phù hợp thì, bạn sử dụng hiện tại đơn cho cả bài văn nhé) country for the town to study.( mình nghĩ i leave my country to town for studying thì hợp hơn) My new neighborhood is a beautiful place but in where I don’t feel happy ( but I am not happy there).

“Strange country, foreign land” is quite different place with (from) my country. My new neighborhood is a lot of high-rise buildings ( V tobe+ adj/noun) ( there is a lot of high-rise buildings in my new neighborhood area), the cribs as my lodging-house as is rare (ko hiểu :) ). Furthermore, the road is very wide,( there are many blue ( green : cây thì phải xanh lá chứ nhỉ :) )trees and a lot of cars.

Specially, ever season in year, my neighborhood changes ever private distinction (The weather changes every season). First ( where is the second? ), in the spring, my neighborhood is quite new. Everyone is very happy. The summer still has special. The hot air fills all space. At times (???), I always feel distasteful. At the same time, I often wet my body because of the sudden rains of winter ( The sudden rains of winter make me wet). Ultimately, the leave’s falling makes me homesick.
As the saying goes “sell a distant relation buy near neighbor”. In the present circumstances, I don’t agree with that fact. A lot of my neighbors are from different countries. Some my neighbors  (some of them )are frigid. Moreover, they are very selfish. They don’t to regard someone’s (other's) private life. Fortunately, they don’t talk to (about) love. They only know their work.
I admit that my neighborhood has many people but nobody is my intimate. ( Athough there are a lot of people in my new place, nobody is my intimate)
As a whole, although my neighborhood has complete matter, it is deficient about the affection of human.

Comments

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