People attend college or university for many different reasons . Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
12,713 views
0 votes
0 votes
closed
Nowadays, education is becoming highly developed, more and more good universities and colleges have been established. For almost people, especially students who have just graduated from the high school, passing the entrance into a famous university or college is the most essential purpose. There are many reasons besides the question why many people want to attend college or university. From my point of view, three main reasons are having great preparation for their future jobs, getting a new experience in their field of work and finally making new friends.

First of all, there is no doubt to say that when a student attend college or university, he or she will have more chances to get a good job. Due to big and famous companies often hire staffs who are expert in their fields, a degree or certification in the university or college, which proves talent and ability of people who own it, often offers more advantages. The higher level study of a person, the bigger opportunity he or she can apply for a high salary work.

Another reason makes people want to put their steps to college or university is that they can have a new experience. Given a lot of great outdoors activities, special training as well as the most specialized knowledge, students who join in university or college have one of the most interesting moments and memory in their students’ lives. University and College usually organize meaningful activities, which supports to develop students’ soft skills and experience in their future jobs.

Last but not least, having a good relationships is also a good point that plays a vital roles in success, therefore, students who attend college and university have such a big advantage. It is because, they can meet a lot of professor who are prospect and famous in their field, as well as their friends who can become their colleagues and components.

 All in all, people attend college and university for many reasons and purposes. However, having a good job, having new experiences, and building good relationships, in my opinion, are the main causes make many of them have tendency to pass into college or university.
by
1 point

2 Answers

0 votes
0 votes
 
Best answer

Theo mình thì bài viết tương đối ổn. Nhưng có 1 số điểm sau mình nghĩ cần khắc phục:

-Intro quá dài (như 1 bạn đã nhắc), chỉ cần 2-3 dòng là okie. 

- Structure: số lượng câu trong mỗi paragraph của phần body hơi ít. Mình nghĩ bạn nên tách các câu phức ra 1 chút để tiện theo dõi.

-Grammar: hơi chưa phù hợp (theo ý mình). Ví dụ: trong paragraph 3 có những lỗi: a new experience -> new experiences ; outdoors activities -> outdoor activities ; moments and memory -> moments and memories ; meaningful activities, which supports -> meaningful activities which support ; trong paragraph 4 có: play a vital roles -> role ; this is because, they can meet... -> this is because they can meet... 

-Word choice: higher level of study... -> higher level of knowledge/ understandings/ insights, higher salary work -> well-paid job, are the main causes make them... -> are the main incentives (theo mình từ cause mang nghĩa hơi negative trong khi incentive thì positive)

 

selected by
by
28 points

2 Comments

Cảm ơn bạn nhiều lắm nha, góp ý chi tiết lắm ^_^

Never mind nha bạn.wink

0 votes
0 votes

Có 2 góp ý nhanh nhé:

1. 359 từ là quá nhiều, sửa lại khoảng 280 từ thôi nhé.

2. Bạn viết Introduction cầu kỳ quá!

It is true that + (viết lại câu đề bài).

It seems to me that...

2 câu là xong.

Lỗi diễn đạt tương tự cũng thấy trong Conclusion. Câu cuối chỉ cần nói, In conclusion + viết lại câu chốt thôi. Càng viết dài và liệt kê ý thì càng phải paraphrase nhiều.

by
458 points

4 Comments

^^ cảm ơn bạn nhiều lắm. Nhân tiện cho mình hỏi task 2 writing của ielts và toefl có tương tự nhau không bạn??
Mình nghĩ là không. Thấy TOELF viết thoải mái hơn. Mấy người ở Mỹ mình nhờ check bài trước đây cũng viết dạng IELTS nên mình đoán có thể dùng chung với nhau.
Wow bạn giỏi thật :( mình mới tập viết nên có nhuêuf cái không hiểu lắm
Mình là Giáo viên tiếng Anh với cả Admin trên này, chứ không phải học sinh. Bạn cần giúp thì cứ đăng bài lên đây còn hỏi đáp thì vào trang wall xem FB mình rồi liên hệ nếu cần.

Related questions