Đề thi IELTS ngày 21/05/2015 (xin lỗi các bạn vì sự chậm trễ này) - Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life...

Question

Topic IELTS của tuần này 21/05/2015

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
 

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Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Bài mẫu Band 8.0 cho đề Task 2 tuần này: 21/05/2015 đến từ IPP IELTS

 

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life.

What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

 

In modern society, there has been a major concern that many couples have delayed parenthood. Some explanations for this social trend will be put forward, before an analysis of its impacts on society and family life is given.

A few reasons can be given to justify the trend of giving birth at later stages of life. First, the labour market is increasingly competitive, and it is a norm that young parents defer having children to devote the whole time in the first years of their employment to lay a sound foundation for their future career. Second, it is believed that children are raised better by older parents. This seems valid due to the fact that older fathers and mothers are generally wealthier, more experienced, and more willing to take the responsibility of bringing up a child.

The trend exerts both advantageous and disadvantageous influence on society and families. On the one hand, children born to more prosperous and experienced parents can receive better and more comprehensive education, and thus contribute more to society when they grow up. In each household, the parents may also reap the benefits of this trend, as their first working years are not interrupted by pregnancy and childcare. On the other hand, when an aged couple decide to give birth, there are serious health risks for the woman in the prenatal and postnatal period. If any complicated maternal health problem arises, the life whole family would be turned upside down.

To conclude, the tendency to have children at later ages is caused by a number of factors, such as the competitiveness of the job market for young adults, and both the positive and negative impacts of it can be seen in families and society. 

Answer 1

Below is my piece of writing on this topic:

 

There is a fact that parents having children later in their life becomes more and more popular. I believe that this phenomenon occurs for many reasons and results in different effects on society and family.

 

The reasons why the phenomenon shown in the question happens more and more frequently in today society are various. One of the reasons can be that people nowadays prioritise their careers more than other things in their lives. For example: most of my friends tend to have babies when they can gain a stable foothold in their companies. Another plausible point is that modern societies put higher financial pressure on human beings, and most activities charge money, so people need more time to fill up their budgets in order to afford expenses of nurturing a child such as food, education services, medical care. Therefore, it would be reasonable to have babies later in people's life.

 

As a result, this phenomenon positively or negatively affects society and family. On the one hand, the world population becomes older, and less people are in the  workforce, which causes a heavier burden to the whole society. Looking at family's life, in some cases, parents die before their children grow up. On the other hand, it can be said that children whose parents prepare for them by spending more time before giving birth are likely to get greater improvement because of their solid foundation. The improvement of these children will contribute to the development of society as well as family.

 

In conclusion, having babies earlier or later depends on individual's choice influenced by many factors. The proponents of having children late can effect their society and family to different extents.

Comments

Bài viết sử dụng văn lưu loát, nhưng vẫn chơi vơi trong band 6.

Để vươn lên band 7, bạn cần:

- Một số từ/cụm từ không cần thiết nên cắt bớt, tránh gây cảm giác dài dòng, thừa thãi. Bài văn cần phải concise, tập trung vào ý tứ, hơn là các cụm liên từ.

- Một số chỗ từ vựng/ ngữ pháp lỗi, không ảnh hưởng tới hiểu bài, nhưng vẫn làm giảm cả điểm vocab và grammar. Ví dụ: "The proponents of having children late can effect their society and family to different extents"

Chúc bạn thành công.

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There Itis a fact that parents having children later in their life is becominges more and more popular. I believe that this phenomenon occurs for many reasons and results in different effects on society and family.

There are various reasons why the phenomenon shown in the question happens more and more frequently in today’s society are various. One of the reasons can be that people nowadays prioritise their careers more than other things in their lives. For example: most of my friends tend to have babies when they can have gained a stable foothold in their companies. Another plausible point is that modern societies put higher financial pressure on human beings, and most activities charge costmoney, so people need more time to fill up their budgets in order to afford the expenses of nurturing a child such as food, education services, and medical care. Therefore, it would be reasonable to have babies later in people's life.

As a result, this phenomenon positively or negatively affects society and family. On the one hand, the world population becomes older, and less people are in the  workforce, which causes a heavier burden onto the whole society. Looking at family's life, in some cases, parents die before their children grow up. On the other hand, it can be said that children whose parents prepare for them by spending more time before giving birth are likely to get havegreater improvements because of their solid foundation. The improvement of these children will contribute to the development of society as well as family.
In conclusion, having babies earlier or later depends on individual's choice, influenced by many factors. The proponents decisiontoof haveing children late can effectaffecttheir society and family to different extents.

Task achievement- 7.0

Coherence and cohesion-6.5

Lexical resource- 6.0

Grammatical range and accuracy- 7.0

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-          Lưu ý đối với cấu trúc “ It is a fact that …” thay cho “ There is a fact that”

-          Bài viết triển khai ý và dùng từ tốt. Tuy nhiên, có một số chỗ cần chữa lại cách diễn đạt vì diễn đạt còn dài dòng, chưa logic.

-          Chú ý cách dùng một số từ: cost / charge, burden on … Đặc biệt, effect/ affect: effect (noun): ảnh hưởng,hiệu lực,  dùng trong cụm ( have an effect on, take effect), còn affect (verb): ảnh hưởng.

-          Khi liệt kê các ý tưởng, ví dụ, giữa ý cuối cùng và ý liền kề đó, cần có liên từ and.

 

Answer 2

This is my essay for the writing exam on May 21st 2015. Looking for your assessment. Give away my huge thanks. ^^  

The 21st century experiences a sea change of human lifestyles, and delaying the firstborn delivery is one of the most typical one. This phenomenon is caused by a variety of factors and results in different effects on family in particular and society in general.

To begin with, in my opinion, there are two major reasons why people prefer having children later in their life. On the one hand, some young couples believe that money is the key factor which ensures that their children may enjoy higher living standards, better education services, and most importantly, the respects from others in society. Hence, they tend to devote more time to career instead of making efforts in giving birth to a child in order to continue the family line as always in the past. On the other hand, others advocate with the idea that young people nowadays consider the meaning of life is success in a particular field. In other words, not until they have reached the peak of triumph in career, they would not think of their firstborn babies.

Turning to the influences of this phenomenon, it has made impacts on human being in different ways. On the bright side, having children later in life helps slow down the rate of population growth. Moreover, this lifestyle can improve the development of economy and civilization thank to people’s extra contribution. However, according to scientific researches, this phenomenon also causes negative effects, for instance, the split-up relationships between members of a family, and then the increase in divorce in society. It is the matter of fact that nursing a baby together will heal every the broken relationships, and is the effective way to maintain the happiness of a family.

In conclusion, I believe that delivering children after developing one’s career is important, but happiness of family also plays a crucial role in one’s lifetime.

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/2949/ielts-ngay-2015-cham-nowadays-more-more-people-decide-have-children-later-their-life

Comments

Bài của bạn thoạt nhìn sử dụng từ vựng tốt, nhưng vẫn còn nhiều chỗ sai. Ví dụ:

 

On the other hand, others advocate with the idea that

On the other hand: dùng sai ngữ cảnh

With: sai giới từ cho động từ 'advocate'

 

Một sỗ chỗ khác không hẳn là lỗi, nhưng dùng sẽ không tự nhiên. Ví dụ:

it has made impacts on

 

Một số câu khác bị off-topic một cách nhẹ nhàng nhưng sẽ vẫn khiến bạn mất điểm:

It is the matter of fact that nursing a baby together will heal every the broken relationships, and is the effective way to maintain the happiness of a family.

 

Và đặc biệt là câu kết luận không liên quan gì tới bài:

In conclusion, I believe that delivering children after developing one’s career is important, but happiness of family also plays a crucial role in one’s lifetime.

 

Kết luận: Hãy cẩn thận. Bạn xứng đáng có band 6.5-7.0, nhưng hiện giờ bạn đang thấp hơn như vậy hẳn 1.0 đó.

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The 21st century has experiencesd a sea of change oinf human lifestyles, and delaying the firstborn delivery is one of the most typical ones. This phenomenon is caused by a variety of factors and results in different effects on family in particular and society in general.

To begin with, in my opinion, there are two major reasons why people prefer having children later in their life. On the one hand, some young couples believe that money is the key factor which thatensures that their children may enjoy higher living standards, better education services, and most importantly, the respects from others in society. Hence, they tend to devote more time to their career, instead of making efforts in giving birth to to have a child in order to continue the family life first as alwaysoccurred in the past. On the other hand, others advocate agreewith the idea that young people nowadays consider the meaning of life is to besuccess in a particular field. In other words, not until they have reached the peak of triumph in their career, they would theynot think of having their firstborn babyies.

Turning to the influences effectsof this phenomenon, it has made created animpacts on human beings in different ways. On the bright side, having children later in life helps slow down the rate of population growth. Moreover, this lifestyle can improve the development of economy and civilization thanks to people’s extra contribution. However, according to scientific researches, this phenomenon also causes negative effects,; for instance, the split-up of relationships between members of a family, and then the increase in divorce in society. It is the amatter of fact that nursing a baby together will heal every the broken relationships, and is the an effective way to maintain the happiness of a family.

In conclusion, I believe that delivering havingchildren after developing one’s career is important, but happiness of the family also plays a crucial role in one’s lifetime.

Task achievement- 6.5

Coherence and cohesion- 7.0

Lexical resource- 7.0

Grammatical range and accuracy- 7.0

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-          Lưu ý cấu trúc đảo ngữ sau “Not until”: Not until + mệnh đề + đảo ngữ.

e.g: Not until they have reached the peak of triumph in their career would they think ò having their firstborn baby.

- Sau every + danh từ số ít ( không có mạo từ đi kèm)

e.g: every broken relationship ( không dùng every the broken relationships)

- Agree with something ( không phải Advocate with something)

-  It’s a matter of fact  ( Không dùng It’s the matter of fact)

- Make efforts to Verb ( Không dùng Make efforts to Verb – ing)

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Hi Huong, với một kết luận lạc đề mình e là điểm Task Achievement và Coherence như vậy là quá cao.

Answer 3

This is my essay. Thank you in advance for your assessment.

In the modern society, it is obvious that there is a proliferation of tendency that people decide to give birth later in their life. The two following reasons would be appropriately explained for this phenomenon prior to leading to the interpretation of its impacts on society and family life.

 

First of all, nowadays, people, especially the young, have to be faced with a lot of difficulties in their life - one of them is the career pressure. A huge amount of expectation from their parents, a great quantity of extensive requirements from their bosses, and the high competition from colleagues make people significantly concentrate on career rather than thinking about giving birth in early stages. Furthermore, people expect that if they prioritize their occupations, they would have more opportunities to make their life more prosperous, which could lead to better conditions for their children afterwards.

 

The effects of that phenomenon are relatively diversified. In terms of positive side, when children were born later, they would have more wealthy life conditions from their parents such as a high nutrition or a comprehensive education. By this way, children would completely develop in both of mental and physical healthy. Notwithstanding, a coin has two sides, and when a couple decides to delay their firstborn, it has detrimental impact on society. It means that the low birth rate will push the overall average age of population up – an old-age population indicator. This issue would adversely affect to the economy development in general, and specifically the foreign investment attraction.

 

In conclusion, the tendency to have children at later ages is induced by a number of elements, such as the occupation pressure or the expectation of better life for the children, and both of its positive and negative impacts could be easily seen in society.

Answer 4

mong ad và mọi người sửa và góp ý hộ em. em xin cám ơn 

 

Because of the improvement and the development of Economic related job, there are more and more people decided to focus on their career instead of building their own family. I strongly disagree with them and believe that balance between career and private life.

Firstly, we must acknowledge that money is very important in modern life. Unlike previous years, supplier network witnessed quantum leap in development for the past 5 years with the appearance of Amazon and Ebay. We could buy anything needed, but without money it is almost impossible. Thus, people have to work harder and harder in order to be promoted and offered higher salary. As a result, they do not have time for their private life and social life.

Because of the lack of time, their social life and family life have been badly damage. On one hand, focusing on work mean there is no time to build up relationship with others and having enjoyable time for their own. Which may lead to serious problems in both mental and physical ability, such as: tress and obesity. People may suffer an unhealthy life style if they lost balance. On the other hand, they will be regretful if family connections are not strengthened. For example, ones said that the most regretful thing in their life was careless to their parents and relatives because they cannot express their emotion, which is a result of the lack of social skills. Ones need to control their lives not being controlled by their desires.

In sum, I believe both private life and career are important. Ones have to had responsibility with their life. Managing not being controlled is the key to the success in building a healthy and happy lifestyle.

Answer 5

over the past decade, modern societies have seen close to a significant rise in the delay of having childrem, especially in the case of many parents in their late thirties. There could be several supporting reasons for this, and to some extent, its profound impacts on social and family life must be taken into consideration.

The first reason for motherhood being postponed is due to the woman's  relentless pursuit of excellence in career. In fact, hig-achieving young people prefer to put their ambitions and desires on work at their most virgorous ages rather than pay full attention to have kids. A likely explanation is that the increased ability and competitiveness for higher education and well-paid job has prompted women to dedicate entirely  and get things done productively. As a result, such endeavour will definitely help them not only reach their dream and satisfactio but also provide the better preparation for their children's life later in both knowledge and financial security. Besides, several couples desire to be in a more stable relationship. Consequently, they lengthen the time being together before coming up with the decision of having babies.

The results are highly justifable. On the one hand, children raised from affluent and well-educated family are more likely to be successful, thus making an enormous contribution to the development of society in the long run. On the other had, in some special cases, the age gap between parents and teenagers are so wide that there are many endless rows over homework, clothes, curfews and friends on the ground that adults seem to be out of touch with their teenage children's world. This would lead to the family conflicts, even the break-ups.

In conclusion, personally, the reason for career and relationship are the plausible explanations why most young people overlook the joyful part of having kids. This absolutely has several certain limitations to socity development and family ties.