environment pollution by smoke

Question

Today, it is said that the main cause makes global environment change is smoke industry. What do you think about this sentence and give the solutions?

nowadays, the world civilization has changed very much, but this also has some drawbacks in environment protection. the most noticeable problem is industrial smoke which  should be discussed clearer

the number of smoke industries increases in recent years causing many disadvantages. first of all, the gar and toxic emission are released significantly making many influences to people health. for instance, smoke reduces vision and causes lung problems in China. secondly, the ozone layer holes changed remarkably in last decades. it seems to be wider and thinner. this makes an increased risk of skin cancer. acid rain occured several places where not only destroys the forest survival but also loses  vital  nutrient  ingredients of soil

on the other hand, global warm threatens sea animals and people life. several animals have difficulty living and adapt to new condition.  for example, the north pole white bears face with the scarce food status and high temperature. if this condition do not solve effectively, some species may extinct forever . in addition, sea level rise impacts to coastal areas, such as  every year hundred of houses are swept away in the south of vietnam, this affects very much to their life.

 

from my point of view, the developed countries in g8 should create the compulsory rules about the smoke emission amount. moreover,  limiting  the number of industrial parks is also crucial to achieve long-lasting development.

in conclusion, a better environment will lead to a good life. minimizing smoke to maximum level is the key lead to fresh air and clean life

Answer 1

Nowadays, civilization has changed greatly, but this also has some drawbacks in regards to environmental protection. Tthe most noticeable problem is industrial smoke which,  should be discussed more clearly.
The number of smoke industries has increasesd in recent years, causing many disadvantages.First of all, the gasr and toxic emissions that are released significantly influence people’s health. Ffor instance, smoke reduces vision and causes lung problems in China., the ozone layer holes have changed remarkably in recent decades. The holes seem to be wider and the ozone layer thinner. This causes an increased risk of skin cancer. A acid rain occurred in several places, which not only destroys the forest  s’ chances for survival, but also causes a loss of  vital  nutrient  ingredients in soil.
Additionally, global warming threatens sea animals and human life. Sseveral animals have difficulty living and adapting to new conditions.  Ffor example, the North Pole polar bears are faced with a scarce food status and higher temperatures. If these conditions are not solved effectively, some species may become permanently extinct . Also, sea levels rising impacts coastal areas for example,  every year hundreds of houses are swept away in the south of Vvietnam, which has a huge impact on their lives.
From my point of view, the developed countries in G8 should create compulsory rules about the amount of smoke emissions. Moreover,  limiting  the number of industrial parks is also crucial to achieving long-lasting developments.
In conclusion, a better environment will lead to a good life. Minimizing smoke to a maximum level is the key  to fresh air and a clean life.

 

Comments

Cách dùng từ chưa được academic, còn giống văn nói.  Cần lưu ý dùng từ cô đọng, xúc tích hơn. Thành lập cụm danh từ dựa trên: adj + Noun hoặc noun + noun.

Lỗi chính tả, viết hoa sau dấu chấm, viết hoa danh từ riêng.

Lưu ý cách dùng thì, cụ thể, các dùng thì hiện tại hoàn thành.  Trong câu, dùng các cụm “In recent years, in recent decades,..” phải dùng thì hiện tại hoàn thành.

Cần phân biệt đại từ quan hệ which và where, trong đó, theo sau where thay thể cho 1 cụm từ chỉ nơi chốn và theo sau là 1 mềnh đề.

---

cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé.

nhưng mình có 1 chút reply như sau:

sea level rise thi minh đã dùng đúng vì mình có kham khảo 1 số bao viết khoa học về mực nước dâng thì nó dùng rise chú không dùng rising bạn ạ