Cambridge IELTS 8 - Test 1 - Wrtitng task 1

Question

The pie charts below show the main reasons why agricultural lanf becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that the biggest cause  of worldwide degradation is over-grazing, which accounts of 35% out of total. The second highest is deforestation with proportion of 30%, after that we have over-cultivation accounts of 28% to be the second lowest and lastly are other causes which have the proportion of only 7% as well as the lowest ratio.

With a look at the table which shows causes of land degradation by three regions: North America, Europe, Oceania (a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand). The region had the highest rate of land degradation was Europe for 23%, Oceania's land was degraded by 13% which is after Europe, finally the region with the lowest percentage of degraded land was North America (5%). The main cause of land degradation in North America was over-cultivation (3.3%), then over-grazing (1.5%) and deforestation (0.2%). In contrast, deforestation caused the highest rate of land degradation in Europe (9.8%), followed after by over-cultivation (7.7%) and 5.5% for over-grazing. In Oceania, over-cultivation did no harm to the land for the percentage of 0%. However, deforestation degraded 1.7% of the land and 11.3% was degraded by over-grazing.

(230 words)

Answer 1

Mình không chữa chi tiết được bài bạn lắm nhưng có một số vấn đề như thế này:

1. Câu intro bạn đang copy y nguyên đề bài :( Có thể sẽ ko được tính điểm đâu. Bạn nên paraphrase đi chút nhé. 

Ví dụ: The graph gives information about the causes of worldwide land degradation in the 1990s. And the table illustrates the main reasons for land degradation in three main areas, namely North America, Europe and Oceana. 

Trong bài cũng lặp quá nhiều land degradation, có thể thay bằng land degraded, unproductive land. 

2. Thì thời trong bài không thống nhất. 

3. "With a look at the table which shows causes of land degradation by three regions: North America, Europe, Oceania (a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand)." -> có vẻ chưa là 1 câu bạn ah.

4. Nhìn chung bài mới kiểu liệt kê số liệu, chưa có sự so sánh, rút ra xu hướng, điểm nổi bật lắm.

 

Comments

The graph gives information about the causes of worldwide land degradation, and the table illustrates the proportion of land degraded by these causes in three areas, namely North America, Europe and Oceania.
Overall, there are three principal reasons that make land become deteriorated, and over-grazing is the main one. It is clear from the table that the percentage of degraded land in Europe was far higher than that in North America and Oceania.
Among the causes of global land degradation, over-grazing records the highest figure, at 35%. In comparison, the proportion of unproductive land caused by deforestation and over-cultivation are 30% and 28% respectively. Other reasons make up for just 7% of land deterioration.
23% of land in Europe was degraded while the figures for Oceania and North America were 13% and 6% respectively. Deforestation was the biggest problem for land integrity in Europe that led to 9.8% of land degradation, while over-grazing was responsible for the smallest percentage of regarded land. In comparison, over-grazing comprised the largest percentage of land deterioration in Oceania (11.3%) whereas over-cultivation caused most of unproductive land in North America (3.3%).
(186 words)

Answer 2

Theo mình thì đoạn đầu tiên bạn nên paraphase

The pie charts illustrate  the major causes why agricultural ground turn into less fertile. The table describes how these causes influence three areas of the world in the period of 1990s.

Answer 3

Theo mình thì bài của bạn còn lặp từ nhiều. Bạn phải paraphrase mở bài nhé, và không nên ghi "the graphs below" vì giám khảo có cái graphs below nào mà nhìn đâu :v

Nói vui thế thôi, chứ paraphrase rất quan trọng. Còn một điều nữa mình muốn góp ý là bài task 1 không phải để bạn kể lại hết các số liệu đề cho. Bạn cần nêu cái gì quan trọng và so sánh những cái ấy. Khi làm dạng mix thế này, bạn nên nêu liên hệ giữa 2 biểu đố nếu có, và viết câu hết ý thì chấm luôn, đừng phấy nhiều quá, làm người đọc hoa mắt mà không nắm thông tin.

Answer 4

-The pie charts below show the main reasons why agricultural lanf becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s-------------->the pie chart illustrates the major causes why agrarian productive becomes fewer fertile while the table provides information about the affected of unproductive land on north america, europe and oceania during the 1990s

-With a look at the table which shows-------- moving to the table/ as for the table.

bài viết hay đấy. nhưng mà nớ đừng lặp từ nhiều quá