In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email.
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In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, future developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive. To what extent do you agree with this view?

 

It is undeniable that the technological evolution has been significantly predominating over the world’s development. An often debated topic is whether this global trend has brought up more harm than good in the society for the last two decades. It is believed that the statement is true in nature. This essay will analyze the impacts of technological devices on traditional communication and inappropriate use of the internet that influences the society.

Technological invention, such as emails, beneficially supports daily life communication. However, some people have claimed that the device is destroying human’s traditional communication. Take Facebook as an example. Instead of meeting or calling each other, people simply converse by leaving comments on their friends’ Facebook page. Traditional communicating methods such as face-to-face conversation, writing letters or calling each others are disappearing. This leads to a decline in human’s actual socialization and interaction. Thus, it is believed that technological development has created more threats to the society.

In addition, the enormous size of the Web which means that it is impossible to regulate and control, creates opportunities for criminals to take technological advantages of widespread use of the Internet. For instance, an underground website such as the Silk Road that allows people to trade illegal and prohibited products such as drugs, guns around the world with a simple click of a mouse. It is evident that the authorizers cannot even detect and eliminate all the illegal activities controlled by the anonymous on the Internet. Hence, this kind of problem might even get worse in the future at least until more regulated systems are set up.

In conclusion, despite some functional benefits, developments in IT relating to new technology in the future are likely to produce many negative effects that damage the way people communicate and indirectly encourage criminal activities to increase. Thus, those problems should be addressed by the authorization to seek for suitable solutions.

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Đây là góp ý của mình ;D

calling each others => bỏ 's' ở 'others'

many negative effects that damage the way people communicate and indirectly encourage criminal activities to increase. => many negative effects, such as damaging the way people communicate and indirectly encouraging criminal activities. ( vì effects ko damage được và do dùng encourage nên có thể bỏ to increase)

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cám ơn bạn nhé !
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It is undeniable that the technological evolution has been significantly predominating over the world’s development. An often debated topic is whether this global trend has brought up more harm than good in the society for the last two decades. It is believed that the statement is true in nature. This essay will analyze the impacts of technological devices on traditional communication and inappropriate use of the internet that influences the society.

caused có collocation với cụm của bạn, và in => to

Câu gạch thấy hơi thừa và nó ngắn quá nhìn lệch so với 3 câu còn lại, chưa kể 4 câu là khá dài.

Mình nghĩ ở câu cuối cụm đầu ổn còn cụm sau thì lặp impact - influece và the society chỉ để ở nhóm sau, nhóm trước không có. Thay vì ngồi viết 2 ý ngay lập tức ra, hạn chế kiểu viết này, thì bạn nên lấy 1 câu mẫu để tránh mất thời gian.

Câu chốt cho dạng To what extent của Simon:

Personally, I support the view that job satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment are much more important than money.

Mình sửa theo bài này của bạn:

It is undeniable that the technological evolution has been significantly predominating over the world’s development. Personally, I support the view that this global trend has caused more harm than good to the society for the last two decades.

Câu cuối gốc của bạn, theo mình là hơi lạc đề. Người ta hỏi Agree/ Disagree nhưng bạn lại nói This essay will analyze 2 factors... Sao không thêm vào cụm to prove the negative side chả hạn.

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Xin cám ơn bạn vì những lưu ý , đọc lai quả thật hơi bị sượng !
Bạn gửi mail cho mình vào [email protected], mình sẽ gửi bạn bài mình. Từ và cấu trúc của bạn ở mức 7.0 trở lên nhưng cách bạn diễn đạt vấn đề thì vẫn còn lằng ngoằng (đây là lỗi của band 6.5 đổ lại, rất dễ bị xuống 6.0). Ngoài ra, nếu bạn dùng collocations không tốt thì bạn cũng dễ bị đánh tụt hạng điểm xuống 0.5.
gửi rồi bạn ! check email nhé ! thanks ^^
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In conclusion, despite some functional benefits, developments in IT relating to new technology in the future are likely to produce many negative effects that damage the way people communicate and indirectly encourage criminal activities to increase. Thus, those problems should be addressed by the authorization to seek for suitable solutions.

some functional benefits là như thế nào? Ý là sao nhỉ?

a wide range of considerable benefits (không nói rõ là gì)

Cụm gạch dài dòng và bị lặp be likely to.

Gạch tiếp vì lặp lại ý ban đầu.

In conclusion, it is broadly accepted that future innovative innovations and technologies would produce numerous negative effects, despite a wide range of today considerable benefits.

Câu cuối này:

Thus, those problems should be addressed by the authorization to seek for suitable solutions.

authorization nên thay bằng authorities/ governments

to seek for suitable solutions theo mình chưa hợp lý, có lẽ nên là để có giải pháp kịp thời hay chiến lược lâu dài.

so as to adjust/ pursue/ develop more effective/ proper long-term development strategies.

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458 points

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cám ơn bạn nhé ! mình sẽ tiếp thu ý kiến !
Mình thích mỗi Up Vote. :D

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