Đây chỉ là ý kiến riêng của mình thôi nhé :D Mong được mọi người sửa chữa :D. Những chỗ mình đánh dấu tím là những chỗ mình nghĩ bạn có thể sửa để bài viết được "học thuật" hơn. Nhìn chung, bạn đã nắm vững được quy tắc cũng như có các ý tốt. Tuy nhiên cần bổ sung thêm các cấu trúc trong văn viết (học thuật hơn)
In our daily life, because of business, it seems that everyone don’t (do not) have enough time to prepare their own meals. To save the cooking time, fast food is the best choice for each of other us. Besides However, it also has more harmful properties than benefit ones, so that we should carefully think before we eat fast food.
Mình nghĩ mở bài của bạn cũng tạm ổn. Nhưng bạn chưa chỉ rõ quan điểm của mình về việc này. Để tốt hơn thì bạn nên paraphrase đề bài thì sẽ bám sát đề hơn. Mình có link một bài của anh dạy rất hay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xa5LNt0NxI . Mình có thể thử paraphrase như sau:
Convenient food has become ubiquitous in many parts of the word. Some believe that the tendency is positive while others do not. To my point of view, I concur that this is a ignoble trend.
First of all, the origin of it is made from a lot of high saturated fats and calories. If you eat too much, you will actually become obese patients in the future. Nonetheless (Moreover), obesity isn’t the only risk. Eating too much salt raises blood pressure, a risk factor for heart disease. Regularly consuming excess saturated fat raises the level of cholesterol in your blood, another major risk factor for cardiovascular and stroke. (Ý này tốt nè :D )
Secondly, almost people don’t know the conditions of the animals are living in before they’re killed. To be In order to reduce the producing cost cheap, dirty meat might be processed by some food establishments. Different bacteria in fast food will cause us into the illness. Moreover, our soft drinks are now infected by food-borne illnesses that usually derive from meat.
Thirdly, the large number of soda cans waste into the sea to cause marine organisms worse than before. People who live around the polluted area are gotten many diseases by dirty water used in daily activities. In addition, water pollution also causes significant losses for the business industry, aquaculture households.
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that fast food is now impressed our healthy. Not only me (cấu trúc hơi informal) but we should make good choices and decide what to put in our bodies. By this way, we will avoid being ill, have the healthy life and help the community than more.