Task 2 - More and more people want to study at university and there is an increasing competition for university places. What are the reasons? Is it positive or negative development?

Question

Hi folks, hope you all are enjoying your weekends. Please have a pleasant read and it's appreciated  that u provide some of ur thoughts. Thanks in advance. 

Universities ultimately provide a solid foundation for students who seek for an advanced education.  Simultaneously, the number of people attempt universities is expected to increase and despite leverage in competition for available seats, positive ramifications outweigh the negatives. Such advantages of being university- graduates are given as well as the factors that contribute to the race‘s fierceness to universities will be discussed.

Firstly, given an advanced education may provide a superior position for the graduates in their career path. For example, the Big Four accounting firms such as Ernst and Young, PwC, KPMG, Deloitte frequently organize job exhibitions in order to approach and employ potential candidates from universities around Australia. This explains the necessary of university qualifications for students to become professionals. Thus, it is obviously beneficial for the ones who go to universities.

Simultaneously, student applications increased causing universities restricts their intakes due to limited offers. A university with high reputation such as Harvard University, for example, sorely offers the students who are not only exceptionally academic excellence but also social contributors. Students, in order to be qualified, seem to work hard to stand out to meet the initial requirements from universities. Therefore, those standards are selective tools for those academic institutions in order to choose the most potential students.

To conclude, it is undeniable that universities have become more popular among students; as well as their competition among students to secure a seat at their desired universities. However, it is agreed that the new cultural trend has more benefits and disadvantages. Thus, a social trend should be encouraged.

 

 

 

Answer 1

- the number of people attempt (attempting) universities is expected to increase and despite leverage in competition for available seats, (the) positive ramifications outweigh the negatives.

- Firstly, given an advanced education may provide a superior position for the graduates in their career path. For example, the Big Four accounFirstly, given an advanced eting firms such as Ernst and Young, PwC, KPMG, Deloitte frequently organize job exhibitions in order to approach and employ potential candidates from universities around Australia. This explains the necessary of university qualifications for students to become professionals. Thus, it is obviously beneficial for the ones who go to universities.

--> Firstly, ... path, which demands the professional university qualifications. For example, Firstly, given an advanced education may provide a superior position for the graduates in their career path. For example, the Big Four accounting firms such as Ernst and Young, PwC, KPMG, Deloitte frequently organize job exhibitions in order to approach and employ potential candidates from universities around Australia.

Answer 2

- "Simultaneously, student applications increased causing universities restricts their intakes due to limited offers" => this point is not really a reason, a benefit or a drawback. in addition, it contains grammar error and should be changed: the increase of student application causes

- "to meet the initial requirements from universities" => with a view to meeting

- "Ernst and Young, PwC, KPMG, Deloitte" => "Ernst Young, PwC, KPMG and Deloitte"

- "given an advanced education may provide a superior position for the graduates in their career path" => experiencing an advanced education may allow/enable graduates to obtain a superior position in enterprises/companies (NOT in the career path)

- "This explains the necessary of university qualifications for students to become professionals." => (neccessary is an adj, not noun) This explains the need of

- "Therefore, those standards are selective tools for those academic institutions in order to (to) choose the most potential students."

Lastly, "Ernst and Young" is now changed to Ernst Young (no "and" or "&")

Actually, you should improve your grammar, not just trying to use a wide range of words.

Comments

Thank you ! I guess that is what I'm lacking too

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There is growth in the number of people who want to have place in higher education, and level of competition for studying at university is rising. The reasons why these trends are happening will be discussed in this essay and which is advantageous progress for society

There are some plausible factors that results in these trends. Firstly, with qualifications students gained from higher academic environment would open the door to better job prospects. For example, if people want to become lawyers and doctors, they have to get related degree from universities. Furthermore, public have tendency to respect university graduated students, which mean they can have high position in their society. For instance, people graduated at prestigous universites, like Stanford and Cambridge also receive the attention of media and communites. Secondly, when more and more people want to get place at universities, which in turn lead to increase in competition due to restricted places for competitors. In addition, universities tend to harden their required admission

For its consequences of these trends, which is likely to create positive development by the following reasons. Competitors to university places will tend to improve their skills and knowledge when they seat in school. Moreover, the number of people have higher qualifications will rise, so the world will have good workfore for future. Furthermore, nowadays many manual works are done by machines, assembly line and artificial intellident, so demand for university graduated worker are needed rather than vocational traning

In conclution, the growth in demand for going to university places will ameliorate to society and the world

Answer 3

Universities ultimately provide a solid foundation for students who seek for an advanced education.  Simultaneously, the number of people attempt universities is expected to increase and despite leverage in competition for available seats, positive ramifications outweigh the negatives. Such advantages of being university- graduates are given as well as the factors that contribute to the race‘s fierceness to universities will be discussed.

đoạn số 1: theo mình bạn không nên dùng quá nhiều tính từ chỉ cảm tính thôi nên ko nên dùng như thế.

--> bỏ ultimately và simultaneously

attempt --> attemplting for ...

despite leverage ---> in spite of the leverage in ...

positive ramification --> mình không hiểu ý này của bạn --> bạn có thể giải thích giúp với?

graduates are given as well as the factors that contribute to the race‘s fierceness to universities will be discussed. --> Cái này mình cũng không hiểu là thế nào -- bạn vui lòng giải thích giúp với ạ.

còn những phần khác thì mọi người đã comment cả rồi nhé.