[IELTS TASK 2] Mọi người sửa giúp em với , em cảm ơn nhiều .The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades . Although some of these changes have been negative , the overall effect of this technology has been positive. What are your opinions on this?
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The appearance of the internet has brought significant changes to our world in recent years. These optimists point out that this global system will make the world a better place. There are still valid arguments trying to be highlighter to the contrary. However, I strongly believe that its advantages and disadvantages are balanced.

First of all , the rapid development of the internet has become a huge revolution in the way we connect and interact with everyone all around the world. In earlier years , whenever you want to keep in touch with your loved ones you just only have a method to do it through delivery pigeons. Now , it turns out to the next much more modern level , these incredibly useful and power tools of communication make information transformed a lot faster and cheaper than before. The most remarkable reason to consider is that the number of services via the internet is likely to predominate in the attractions to net surfers. Online shopping is taken as an particular example, the adverts always can be seen on your electronic screen relating to products are your favorite needs. It shows the way most clearly how the internet effectively works to make us more satisfied by analyzing each individual’s behaviours on social network.

Although the worldwide connection has provided plenty of realistic benefits to our life, on the other hand, the internet still exits its own drawbacks behind. Among the numerous reasons, impacts on health can be seen most directly and specifically. To clarify, it is figured out through daily simple symptoms such eye-strain and sleep deprivation. To be more detailed, while you are looking at the computer screen, you may entirely focus on the quick movements of pictures and words on the surface of the screen. Because of this , your eyes always waste lots of energy and besides receive tons of computer radiation waves . In long term, it may cause eye-strain regularly. Additionally, sitting in front of the screen in a long period of time until midnight is often supposed to lead to sleep deprivation in the next day. The most striking one should be dangerously pornographic sites which have capacity of black channels unacceptable for under 18 year-old children. In detail, in the former times, parents are able to keep an eye on their children and control them easily. As a matter of fact, the more modern and developmental life is , the more curious youngsters get so that the old don’t prepare to forbid black ones' activation in case it will undoubtedly lead to unexpected cases like sexual addiction in youth generation.

By the way of conclusion, the development of technology and the internet in more detail brings a huge of convenience to our world nowadays; however, we may know how to use it in the good way to avoid making bad consequences unpredictably.

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Bạn tương mỗi cái đề bài cụt lủn 2 chữ thế này biết sao mà chữa đây?

 

Bạn chèn thêm 2 dòng bôi đậm (chủ đề và câu hỏi chính) đi để mọi người tham khảo cho rõ ràng.
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hihi tại mình lúc đó hơi vội :( bạn coi sửa giúp mình với :) .
Đọc lướt qua thấy nhiều từ và câu ổn phết, band điểm khá cao, nhưng mấy kiểu your/ our và lỗi a/ an/ the vẫn nhiều là sao nhỉ? Văn phong của bạn?
à của mình viết và có tham khảo một số useful expressions với linkers của thầy mình  , với mình cũng mới học ielts khoảng 3,4 tháng nay thôi . Dân khối A ngữ pháp mình vẫn yếu , đang cải thiện . Bạn sửa cụ thể giúp mình với ^^! Cảm ơn nhiều .

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