Many experts thinks (think) that somedays (someday) in the future the intelligence of human being will be surpassed by computers. While some people suppose that this is a negative process of development, I believe that computers certainly make our modern life more convenient.
+ phân biệt:
someday = at an indefinite future time: He'll learn it someday.
some day = a specific unnamed day: We'll have the meeting some day that suits everybody.
Somedays is incorrect.
+ ambiguity: ‘Many experts thinks (think) that somedays (someday) in the future the intelligence of human being (beings) will be surpassed (word choice) by computers.’ (surpass: to do or be better than)
+ ‘process of development’ ??? are you sure?
It is true that in the future computers can (can be) smarter than human beings in some fields. While this has some drawbacks, I believe that the advantages that computers provide are far more significant.
+ ambiguity: It is true that in the future computers can (can be) smarter than human beings in some fields. Và câu này không cần trong phần kết bài.
+ sprawl sentence (câu mà chứa quá nhiều coordinator và subordinator thừa, điều này gây sự khó hiểu cho người đọc): ‘While this has some drawbacks, I believe that the advantages that computers provide are far more significant.’
+ Cách viết Conclusion:
Bước 1: Nhắc lại câu trả lời cho đề bài (bắt buộc): là câu trong khi mọi người nghĩ nhue này, ý kiến của tôi là…
Bước 2: Nhắc lại ý chính trong bài (khó nhất): drawbacks and benefits- paraphrase và tóm tắt lại càng ngắn càng tốt
Bước 3: Đưa ra khuyến nghị/ dự báo tương lai (optional)
+ ‘Some people believe that the development of technology and particular computers? ( make it more clear) has several drawbacks for some reasons.’
+ ‘Fristly, as computers becoming (become) more and more intelligent, it (they) can replace human being (beings) in loads of employment fields.’
+ ‘This can result in high (a/the high) rate of unemployment of not only blue-colour workers but also white-colour ones even intellectuals.’
+ ‘Secondly, the gap of (in) income may become larger as the poor has (have) fewer job opportunities while the rich earn more by acquiring more smart machine( a more smart machine/ more smart machines). (the +adj : mang nghĩa số nhiều)
+’Therefore, our society might become imbalance (imbalanced) and unjustice. (unjust)’
+ ‘Finally, with the conveniences that computers can provide, there would be a rise in number (the number) of people who have sedantary lifesty (a sedentary lifestyle), which may take them to various health problems such as cadiovascular (cardiovascular) diseases or obisity.(obesity) ’
+ Beside (besides) of disadvantages of computers that mentioned (the computers mentioned) above, I believe that the development of technology in general and computers in particular (,in particular,) help our lives becoming (become) more satisfied.
+ In calculating (from a calculating) perspective, computers can help to reduce workload (the workload) of people. ??? – ambiguity: có vẻ bạn đang dịch từ Tiếng anh sang tiếng việt để viết?
+ For example, students now can easily solve difficult exercises, which they could not be able to do in the past due to a loads of (loads of/ a load of) complex calculations.
+ Another kind (kind of) person who takes advantages from (take advantage of) smart computers is accountant (an accountant) in big companies, they can apply modern computer’s algorithsm (computer algorithms) to analysis (analyze) and logically arrange data to make quarterly financial reports can be easily understandable.
+ In academic research fields, computers help scientists finding (find) results of experiments such as the relation between cognition and decisions, the role of unknow (unknown) proteins. ???- ambiguity
+ Thus, the more intelligence of computer is, the more brilliant results it brings to our life.
Một số từ mắc lỗi ‘word choices’ mình đã bôi xanh dương nhé
Tổng kết: nhiều câu bạn viết thực sự mắc lỗi ‘unclear sentences’, tớ nghĩ bạn nên xem lại về ngữ pháp ( simple, compound, complex, compound- complex sentences). Và cách lựa chọn, sử dụng, kết hợp từ của bạn thực sự chưa đúng, hơn thế bạn viết sai chính tả tương đối nhiều. Mình nghĩ khi học từ, cậu không nên chỉ học nghĩa, mà nên học từ trong ngữ cảnh nhé.