pls.help me check it

Question

English essay.   

Topic 01:Some people like doing work by hand.Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

                                           

                                      My answer:

For me, I prefer using machine to doing work by hand. There are reasons to explain for my choice. Firstly, it is time.we spend much time to complete a product if doing by hand. Opposite, machines help us to do many work in the same time.it is not only fater but also sensitive. The capacity grows, it led to much more profit. Especially, when using machines we don’t feel tired like using hand. Many people said that the machines was complex and it is difficult for them to use. It is quite funny. Because nowadays , science and technology is very developing. Every years, milions of machines were producted with the diversity of types, measurements, figures,colors….. They are also improved to be easy to use. So we can the one that suitable with ownself. Although machines need power to run and fixing , that take a good deal of money, don’t forget that it bring much profit for us.

Answer 1

For me, I prefer using machine to doing work by hand. There are reasons to explain for my choice. Firstly, it is time.we spend much time (lủng củng) to complete a product if doing by hand (lặp từ)  Opposite,(on the opposite) machines help us to do many work (many mà noun số ít) in (at) the same time.it is not only fater but also sensitive. The capacity (productivity) grows, it led (dùng thì thống nhất nhé) to much more profit(s). Especially, when using machines we don’t feel tired like using hand. Many people said (say)that the machines was (số ít số nhiều lộn xộn) complex and it is difficult for them to use. It is quite funny.(ridiculous) Because nowadays , science and technology is very developing.(develope very much) Every years, milions of machines were (are) producted with the diversity (variety)of types, measurements, figures,colors….. They are also improved to be easy (simplistic) to use. (for using) So we can the one that suitable with (suit to hoặc be suitable chứ) ownself. Although machines need power to run and fixing (thêm -ING ???), that take a good deal of money, don’t forget that it bring much profit for us.

Comments

thank you.mình mới học viết nên viết cứ cứng tay sao ấy. I'll try my best. thank for your suggestions. i'll take your advice

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lamthiennhut123 ơi.mình có mấy chỗ "xắc mắc".mấy chỗ bạn gạch chân mà không nói gì là sao đó? cái chỗ mà "many work" ấy, mình thấy thầy bảo nếu "works" thì là tác phẩm mất rồi, hay là dùng "much work"??? (dòng thứ 2 đó) . à ở dòng gần cuối mình dùng "need fixing" tức là bị động .làm như vậy có được không??? giúp mình với. hì .mình hơi " ngu " tiếng anh