IELTS Task 2 - raising children in the city

Question

More people live in cities nowadays than in the past. As a result, more children grow up in urban areas. Some people believe that raising a child in a city is mostly beneficial. Meanwhile, other people claim that it has too many drawbacks.

 

Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

 

The number of citizens who reside in the metropolis is much more than in the day before, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the city. While some argue that nurturing a child in the urban area brings a variety of adverse impacts, I believe that living in the city is more beneficial to the child.

 

On the one hand, the main drawbacks for raising a child in the city is the cost of living. Parents have to spend a great deal of money on nurturing the children in the city such as education, housing, transportation and even food which the poor family might not have the ability to afford. Moreover, gas emitted by traffic will be exposed to air pollution and affect the children’s health. As a result, the children living in the city can suffer from several diseases such as lung cancer or asthma. What is more, the research has shown that the infant mortality rate is much higher in the urban area than the rural area.

 

On the other hand, in spite of these disadvantages, I concede that the metropolis is a place of educational opportunities for children. To be more specific, the schooling in urban areas is state-of-the-art with a novelty interactive methodology for the purpose of helping children develop their critical thinking, so that their educational outcome can be improved. Moreover, in the city children can access an abundance of modern institutions’ amenities and prestigious schools in comparison with the rural areas. Thus, the child who is nurtured in urban areas will be better prepared for the job market and get more chances for career prospects.

 

In conclusion, although raising a child in the metropolis contains some downsides, I still consider the city as the best place for the children’s future overall.

Answer 1

There are many errors in articles throughout the essay. Let's go through your introduction first.

"The number of citizens who reside in the metropolis is much more than in the day before, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the city."

The word "metropolis " refers to a very large city, often the most important city in a large area or country, as stated in Cambridge Dictionary. Therefore, a metropolis can not be referred to as any city. By the way, "the day before" means exactly one day before.

In addition, remember that you can say "the +noun" at most of the times when people know what you are talking about.

For example: Hello Nam, I bought a car yesterday. The car is red. 

I said a car in the first sentence because Nam did not know which car I was talking about. The transition from "a car" to "the car" can be seen in the second sentence because I already made that car known to Nam and Nam knew which car I was talking about, that is, the car I had bought the day before.

Let's get back to your sentence. You can say:

"The number of citizens who reside in a city is much more than in the past, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the city."

Or alternatively: "The number of citizens who reside in cities is much more than in the past, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the cities."

This error can also be seen at: "While some argue that nurturing a child in the urban area brings a variety of adverse impacts, I believe that living in the city is more beneficial to the child."

Make sure that you can apply my advice not only to this sentence, but also to the rest of your essay.

Answer 2

There is still an issue in the first sentence that I overlooked.

"The number of citizens who reside in a city is much more than in the past, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the city."

This sentence is unclear because we don't know which point of time is compared with "the past". 

Therefore, it should perfectly be: "The number of citizens who reside in a city today/nowadays is much more than in the past, which leads to an increase in the number of children in the city."

Don't be confused.