Task 1 : Bar Chart có hình kèm theo

Question

The chart shows the gender classification of students doing scientific research across the six disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

 

Overall, in five out of the six subjects, men outnumbered women. Veterinary medicine was the only subject in which there were more women than men. Subjects related to the study of animate beings were dominated by both men and women.

 

Men dominated prominently subjects related to the study of matter: Physics, Astronomy, and Geology. Physics, for example, was 80 percent male and only 20 percent female. The gap was narrower in the fields of astronomy and geology, where there were nearly twice as many men as women.

 

By contrast, women had a significant presence in subjects related to the study of living things. In Biology, there were nearly as many women as men (roughly 200 women vs 250 men). This was also true of medicine. Women first outnumbered men in the field of veterinary medicine (approximately 120 women vs 90 men).

 

(162 words)

Answer 1

The chart shows the gender classification of students doing scientific research ( study science not do reaseach > You are misunderstanding) across the six disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

Overall, in five out of the six subjects, men outnumbered women => it is not clear enough 

. Veterinary medicine was the only subject in which there were more women than men.

This sentence can be rewritten: the number of male reseach pulils learning science subjects outnumbered  that of female research students with the exception of Veterinary medicine.

Subjects related to the study of animate beings were dominated by both men and women. > I don't understand this point.

You can add this sentence: In addition, Biology attracted the highest number of reseach students in 2009.

Men dominated prominently subjects related to the study of matter (fields is better) > This sentence is not reasonable, you shouldn's use "dominant" Physics, Astronomy, and Geology. Physics, for example, was 80 percent male and only 20 percent female. The gap was narrower in the fields of astronomy and geology, where there were nearly twice as many men as women.

recomment: the quantity of men opting for Physics, Astronomy, and Geology were much higher than women. This gap was most visible in Physics subject in which there were over 200 male pupils against only 40 female pupils. The number of men scholars enrolling in Geology subject doubled that of women. In addition, Astronomy field attracted 150 male students while there were only under 60 female students.

By contrast, women had a significant presence in subjects related to the study of living things ( I can't get your idea). In Biology, there were nearly as many women as men (roughly 200 women vs 250 men)=> You shouldn's write like this. This was also true of medicine ( the sentense is too short). Women first outnumbered men in the field of veterinary medicine (approximately 120 women vs 90 men=> I  can't get your idea. 250=200*2?

https://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/12447/task-1-bar-chart-co-hinh-kem-theo

 

 

Comments

Thank you for your time, but why don't you make your points clearer?

"The chart shows the gender classification of students doing scientific research ( study science not do research > You are misunderstanding) across the six disciplines at a UK university in 2009."

The prompt above is quoted from the book "Collins-Writing for IELTS", and this is a sample answer.

It is said by the author that "the bar chart shows the gender distribution of students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009." 

Do you think that the author was also misunderstanding???

"Overall, in five out of the six subjects, men outnumbered women ", as you said, was not clear enough. Why didn't you tell me what went wrong? 

"the number of male research pupils learning science subjects outnumbered  that of female research students with the exception of Veterinary medicine" 

This is a version that, in your opinion, was better than mine, right? However, pupils and students are not the same thing. Pupil, as stated in Cambridge Dictionary, refers to a person, especially a child at school, who is being taught. A person studying at university, for example, is never called "a pupil".

Men dominated prominently subjects related to the study of matter (fields is better) > This sentence is not reasonable, you shouldn't use "dominant"

"dominated" here is the past tense of the word "dominate" (verb) , not dominant (adj) as you thought, and again, you did not tell me why the sentence was unreasonable.

In Biology, there were nearly as many women as men (roughly 200 women vs 250 men)=> You shouldn't write like this. This was also true of medicine (the sentence is too short).

These two sentences were also written by the author, and many times you did not tell me what went wrong in the sentences ???

Last, the number of men scholars enrolling in Geology subject doubled that of women.

I think you were trying to be advanced by giving some advice and rewriting many of my sentences, but your sentence itself was even ungrammatical. In fact, it should be :

"The number of men scholars enrolling in Geology subject is twice as much as that of women. You surely took the word "double" the wrong way.

 

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Hoping that you'll repond soon.