teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. [closed]

Question

 

Many people think that adolescents must do volunteer jobs in their free time, and this is a huge advantage for teenagers as well as the community. This essay completely disagrees with the statement that teenagers are forced to work volunteer due to pressure and exhaustion. 

On the one hand, working free for the community is an advantage in terms of adolescents as well as the community and I agree. Due to doing this, students can gain a lot of experience and enhance their feeling of empathy. For example, doing some tasks such as painting walls, cleaning the house, or cooking for the poor helps students realize that working is not always about money, it is for people who need help.

On the other hand, it is a bad idea to consider unpaid community work is compulsory. Children nowadays have to face a lot of requirements in their study which makes them always fell under pressure due to an enormous quantity of assignments that they have solved. Certainly, it is clear that they do not have enough free time to relax. Therefore, instead of forcing students to do volunteer jobs, people should allow them to enjoy their free time with their friends or doing sports. In other words, students should be decided by themselves without any compulsory of their parents and the community as well. 

In conclusion, working free for the community helps teenagers enhance their experience and empathy, however, in my perspective, it should not be compulsory to do this job owing to the serious pressure they have to face.  

 

Nhờ mới người chữa giúp em nhé. em cảm ơn!

Answer 1

I would point out some issues in the introduction.

"Many people think that adolescents must do volunteer jobs in their free time, and this is a huge advantage for teenagers as well as the community. This essay completely disagrees with the statement that teenagers are forced to work volunteer due to pressure and exhaustion." 

First, adolescents and teenagers are not the same thing. A teenager refers to a person between 13 and 19 years old, whereas an adolescent refers to a person who is developing into an adult. A person aged 20, for example, with the body's transition to maturity that is not yet finished can be seen as an adolescent but not a teenager. Therefore, you have to rethink the sentence.

The worse came later: "This essay completely disagrees with the statement that teenagers are forced to work volunteer due to pressure and exhaustion."

"due to pressure and exhaustion" explained why teenagers were forced to work as volunteers, not why the essay completely disagreed with the statement. By the way, "work volunteer" does not make sense.

In general, your essay has many errors in word usage, grammar, and even typing, some of which are:

"On the one hand, working free for the community is an advantage in terms of -> for adolescents as well as the community and I agree."

"On the other hand, it is a bad idea to consider unpaid community work is -> as compulsory."

"Children nowadays have to face a lot of requirements in their study which makes them always fell -> feel under pressure due to an enormous quantity of assignments that they have solved."