INTRODUCTION
1, Nowadays, some universities are facing different opinions about (1) substantial alterations in new education.
- (1) people combine the verb face with challenges or other bigger issues more often. It should be rewritten opinions are divided as to
2, Some people consider that students should study whatever they like (1). Otherwise, others think that students only need to learn useful subjects related to science or technology (2)
- (1) This sentence is totally copied from the topic card. You have to paraphrase it.
- (2) There are other useful subjects related to humanity. The definition of a useful subject should not be limited to only STEM ones.
- You should use a complex sentence instead of separating into two unacademic single sentences. Consider my suggestion: Some people opine that it should be up to students to choose their favourite subjects, whereas others suggest that they be obliged to study only practical subjects.
4, However, I believe intensely (1) that it is better for students to choose favourite subjects. (2)
- (1) completely believe
- (2) to avoid repetition, try another wording like the former approach/method is better than the latter OR the former approach is (more) optimal.
- I see your body paragraphs discuss both sides, so your thesis statement is not proper. It should be rewritten Both approaches/methods are acceptable to certain extent, but I completely believe the former one is better/more optimal
BODY 1:
1, Firstly, schools can look for potential students earlier for scientific fields (1) which make huge prospects to increase the resource of professional labour (2) as well as impulse innovations in developing competition among countries.
- (1) Again, you are denying the role of other social subjects. Scientific fields should only be used as an example instead.
- (2) this should be your argument, and its supporting point is the example in scientific fields. Consider my suggestion Firstly, this approach provides prospects for professional labor in the workplace in the future. For example, the number of expert workers in scientific fields is often proportional to that of innovations in developing competition among countries.
2, Secondly, although Science or technology are (1) awkward topics, it facilitates (2) young learners to improve effectively (3) mental powers and thinking ability (4). Because in some US schools, a few students focusing on this (5) subjects invariably get high score on IQ test
- (1) mandatory useful subjects
- (2) they are selected as they facilitate
- (3) effectively improve
- (4) intellectual ability
- (5) these
- (6) You should mention the benefit of having high IQ scale in life